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You can’t love yourself unless you look like a bikini model — everyone who doesn’t conform to society’s arbitrary beauty standards is selling you complete BS.

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There are only a selective few people I feel able to eat in front of. I eat in front of my boyfriend, and that’s pretty much it.

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Our brains are designed to match our outer reality to our inner experience.

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I’ve done years of therapy, of self-help, of journaling, of body positivity, and I still can’t look myself in the eyes.

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It’s terribly sad that anyone would feel so awful about the way they look at any time in their life, but I have to wonder: if even these bodies that fit the standard aren’t enjoyed by their inhabitants, what sort of ideal is that?

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Your body does best when it is nourished and loved.

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My body. My ugly, good for nothing body that takes up too much space in my full sized bed.

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The point of this isn’t to tell you that self-love is this made up, unobtainable fairytale that you should give up on. No, the point is, is that I don’t want you to look at my Instagram page on a day when you’re struggling and beat yourself up because it seems like my journey is all sunshine and roses.

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Things will get better. I wish I could tell you how or when, but that is something that it’s hard even for me. I’m not sure how things will turn, but I promise you that things will get better.

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We have been through a lot together, and I will no longer hate the vessel that keeps me fighting.