“

Sometimes, blowjobs are a chore. I totally get that. But they’re also a fun opportunity to practice your skills and make your dude freak out.

“

“Twenty minutes is a looooong time for someone to have to go down on a girl. If she’s wanting more than that then she’s just being greedy.”

“

Whenever she started to play with my balls, I would usually just close my eyes, stay quiet and fantasize about another time when a girl gave me better head.

“

“He takes forever to cum and I got sick of it. I would give him blowjobs every other day if he could figure out how to cum in like 7 minutes.”

“

See, boys (and reality) kind of suck. I witnessed dreamy, life-after-blowjob love tales in Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets Girl amid my tender, overly sculpted youth and their numb-minded oral sessions almost always resulted in forget-me-not, lovers forever storylines.

“

He’s not going to cum if you’re just licking his dick daintily as if it were a candy cane on Christmas.

“

Something about a popsicle, or lollipop. The different techniques of hand placement and tongue movement. I was fascinated, making mental notes.

“

“In high school I was at a movie with my girlfriend and her family. Her parents were in the row in front of us and she went down on me. “