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Buy a plain, wooden puzzle and ask your guests to all sign separate pieces. After the party, you can stick the pieces together and glue them down so you have your own unique piece of art!

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1. I promise to try to always be happy, no matter what.

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I once had a 40-something professor who said he’d never date a woman over 25. Maybe that’s why this year feels like such an expiration date.

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Compulsion to do is the opposite of being. It’s the opposite of being present.

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Why do candles love birthdays so much?
They just wanna get lit!

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May 30: Your pessimism and proclivity to jump to the worst case scenario has been holding you back. It has been stopping you from reaching your full potential. 

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The worst part about birthdays is that they come with so much pressure. Pressure to have fun. Pressure to hang out with friends. Pressure for this one specific day to be better than all of the others. 

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Champagne Jell-o shots.

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He believes sex should be exciting, and he loves the danger of public sex. Elihu’s fantasy is to have sex on top of the Empire State Building, and he told me about his experiences in Brooklyn Heights playgrounds. It’s hard for me to think of him as the same quiet boy I sat next to in social studies class in high school.

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Real friends see each other in the shit and dark and areas they don’t want others to see. They see it and say, “I love you, you freak.”