“

Is it Bigfoot?

“

“There were three creatures standing in the kitchen. Two of them were short grey creatures with a thicker neck than described with the eyes closer to the sides of their heads. They wore silver jumpsuits.”

“

Don’t read these right before bed.

“

Carl was determined to finish the article pertaining to his beloved Acorns getting the nation’s top quarterback. Brenda could simply trod on over to the table, pick up the envelope, and see for herself. But no, Brenda was too lazy for that.

“

1.
Female redheads are either very hot or very not.

“

To PETA there’s no difference between hooking a Trout and shooting to death a highly intelligent ape man. No. Difference.

“

“The first reported attacks occurred in March 1995 in Puerto Rico. In this attack, eight sheep were discovered dead, each with three puncture wounds in the chest area and completely drained of blood.”

“

Bigfoot had only accepted Megan Fox’s invitation for a private tete-a-tete because he thought she would understand his desire for privacy. Why did he identify so strongly with starlets, anyway?

“

If Bigfoot is real, then what else is out there in the world — beyond the accepted walls of your city’s Museum of Science? What else are we wrong about? It would cause a re-examination of just about everything. It’d be fantastic.