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“The decor is similar to the Rainforest Cafe.”

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They say that video killed the radio star. Thirty years later, is that statement true? I’d say that video made the radio star more interesting.

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I visited synagogues all over the world—from Syosset, to Beverly Hills, and back again to Jericho. Studies were made, tests were run, I tasted the blood of a virgin Jew and even conducted my very own bris.

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“Women of a certain age and with a specific point of view, to watch them be vivacious and glamorous and sexual, is important and revolutionary.”

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I would also like to state that I painstakingly took the time to test out your coconut cupcake and cream cheese frosting boxed mix, and just have to wonder: is it ever inadequate? Like, ever? Because I must have had five and they all tasted like I went and had an orgasm in heaven.

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In this infamous episode of Saved By The Bell, perfectionist Jessie Spano starts taking over-the-counter caffeine pills in order to keep up with the rigors of high school life. In the span of 22 minutes, we see Jessie pop her first pill and become a full-blown speed addict, eventually collapsing in Zack Morris’ arms after experiencing a brutal comedown.

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A few months ago, I went to go see The Lion King 3D with a few of my friends at the theatre. After the credits started to roll, I started to make my way down the stairs but it was so dark that I fell backwards on my ass. The woman behind me started laughing so hard, she began to cry.

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A woman is describing the neighborhood of Silverlake to her friend while sitting in a restaurant in Silverlake. “It’s not as gay as like WeHo but it’s Los Angeles so it’s pretty gay everywhere. Silverlake is more diverse and full of artists. Not as gay though.” I never heard her friend respond, which was weird, but she kept on reiterating how Silverlake was “gay but not too gay.”

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Look, I know it’s trendy to hate Elizabeth Gilbert right now but she really does suck. I don’t mind the constant navel-gazing and #whitegirlproblems of her work (hello, look at the shit that I write) but I do find her victim-y tone and boring prose annoying.

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The following things can trigger a full-blown anxiety attack: Organizing a party, bad help, bad weather, bad food, airplanes, stingy doctors, poor people, being in love, exes, and most of all, vacations.