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So, I decided to grow a beard. Hold your applause till the end.

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I keep a beard because if I was white, no one would question it or treat it or me otherwise. But because I’m brown, everyone suddenly pays attention.

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You’re welcome.

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On the first day of Christmas Santa gave us hot men with beards.

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“I enjoy the absolute ecstasy of peeing from atop tall buildings with the wind in my hair.”

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“They can do the helicopter thing with their manly parts.”

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Two eyebrows are better than one, but any more attention/effort than that is a turn-off.

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Is it because I am tall? Is it because you think my boobs are too small? Was it about my body in any way? Would you tell me the truth if it were? Do you think I’m fat? Are you lying?

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Why?

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Things are looking bleak for the beard trend. It seems, and it saddens me to report this, that the beard overload is creating a backlash against the beloved facial hair.