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3. Avoid Blonds. Asymptomatic carriers of Summertime Sadness, Blonds are a near-human species that exist on a strict diet of chewing gum and human hearts.

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10. Backup Jorts.

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I happen to actually be from the “Jersey Shore,” and as you already can tell, I am a total sweetheart and absolutely worth getting to know (HA, get in line). In all seriousness though, I have a valid argument, because in New Jersey everything is an argument, to make about the “Jersey Shore.”