“

4. Stick-straight hair.

“

6. Wearing a flower crown.

“

2. Your middle school French teacher.

“

We were still only 14, but it didn’t matter, because my eyebrows were as thin as Nicole Richie’s collarbone and I had myself a red Motorola flip phone.

“

To be 100% honest, I was looking fierce the night of the soirée. I was wearing nude stockings with open toe heels (SEX APPEAL), a pink baby doll dress and heavy lip gloss. Basically, I looked like a piece of candy with long hair.

“

“Do you know that girl?” my mom will say, “She ordered the spicy tuna. You LOVE spicy tuna.” No, I do not know her. We have never met. There are 7 billion people on this Earth and many of them eat sushi.

“

Already the air around me feels different. If you are a secular adult and you want to know limbo, stay in New York City for Christmas.