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Where do bananas go to learn? Sundae school.

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1. The F.O.B: Fresh Off The Boat. With their frilly Hello Kitty sweaters and pleated mini skirts, you can probably hear them first before noticing their quirky fashion sense.

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That old banana always puts you before anyone else, even a significant other. You’ve honestly never even SEEN that old banana with another living person or banana—you’re not even really sure about what that old banana is into sexually.

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You’re not getting off the hook either, Kleptomaniac. Specifically, Kleptomaniac-who takes-eight-year-old’s-ocean-bingo-playing-cards-and-action-figures.

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If I had given the angel on the other shoulder a chance to rebut, she would have explained the foolish tradeoff I was making. I gain twenty minutes or so of low-brow pleasure.