I could start wearing more conservative clothes and lose some weight. These ten pounds I’ve gained while dating you are what’s coming between us. It’s totally fair. It was like false advertising. You got into a relationship with someone who’s thin and now I’m not so thin. How rude of me! You’re still fit and tan and sexy. I mean, I would love you still even if you weren’t, but I understand why you wouldn’t feel the same way. I’ll lose the weight and you’ll love me more. That’s final.
Start with 4 scoops of I Hate Myself (you can buy this at your local grocery store for $6.66). Have something in your life—a relationship, drugs, chocolate cake—that you must get rid of. It has begun to impact your life negatively, you’re doing it to excess, you wake up every morning disliking yourself because of it. It’s just no good.