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SCORPIO: You’re the type who finds $100 bills on the sidewalk. You and all your friends could go tiptoeing through meadows in springtime, and you’re always the only one to find a four-leaf clover.

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The reason most people fail to make the best long-term decisions is because they don’t know what they really want. If you don’t know what you want, of course you’ll take the best thing offered you.

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Perhaps a seemingly irrational decision could end up being a rational choice in the end.

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“Because she bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last five minutes.”

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I want to sleep with the musician.

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Anytime I eat after 4 a.m., it’s predicated upon the excuse of “YOLO.” There should be a sandwich at the deli just named “YOLO.” “I’ll take the YOLO to go and, no, I prefer not to talk about it.”

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Let’s make some bad decisions tonight. Let’s take those New Year’s Resolutions we made last week and dunk them in whiskey and use them as a sex blanket. Let’s take back what we said about 2012 getting off to a great start. Let’s dirty up the clean slate the new year has made for us. Come on.