SCORPIO: You’re the type who finds $100 bills on the sidewalk. You and all your friends could go tiptoeing through meadows in springtime, and you’re always the only one to find a four-leaf clover.

The reason most people fail to make the best long-term decisions is because they don’t know what they really want. If you don’t know what you want, of course you’ll take the best thing offered you.

Perhaps a seemingly irrational decision could end up being a rational choice in the end.

“Because she bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last five minutes.”

I want to sleep with the musician.

Anytime I eat after 4 a.m., it’s predicated upon the excuse of “YOLO.” There should be a sandwich at the deli just named “YOLO.” “I’ll take the YOLO to go and, no, I prefer not to talk about it.”

Let’s make some bad decisions tonight. Let’s take those New Year’s Resolutions we made last week and dunk them in whiskey and use them as a sex blanket. Let’s take back what we said about 2012 getting off to a great start. Let’s dirty up the clean slate the new year has made for us. Come on.