“

It is a bit odd to say (openly) that someone else’s buttocks make me sad, but they do.

“

Wait. How is this song 22 years old?!

“

“I like big Bibles and I cannot lie…”

“

Fuck Barbie. You need Lammily in your life.

“

Getting through a movie theater aisle when you have to go to the bathroom is a saga.

“

There are some songs that make your heart feel as though it will burst out of your chest from sheer emotion — and that emotion can vary. Sometimes it’s profound sadness, sometimes from aching nostalgia, and sometimes from the kind of excitement accompanied by a “THIS IS MY SONG OH MY GOD YES YES YES PUT IT ON ME DJ!”

“

I want you to tease me with the pain of plausibility. I want not a jiggling rap video booty, but just a butt. A nice anthropologically sound, soft, woman’s ass. I want to calmly rest my snifter on the counter, to hell with the rest of my Rémy Martin XO Spécial ($141.99, 750ml).