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Social networks claim to bring us closer together, but I can’t help thinking they’re really just pulling us apart.

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“Can you can pay attention longer than a goldfish?”

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It’s hard for me to believe that in another era, people might have read books to relax. Now, to relax, I need — or at least I tell myself I need — to watch the least mentally challenging, least difficult, least gritty, least substantive television program available.

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After dinner, I’ll watch a documentary about how wasteful our society is and how we could feed every starving person in Haiti with the food we throw out each year. The whole time, I’ll be thinking of that Portlandia sketch about dumpster divers and the Haitians will seem like they’re on another planet, far beyond my reach.