My OCD is exactly this: it’s thoughts that spin round and round inside my head. Terrible, scary, dark thoughts that just pop in and out and in and out.
I am not insane or crazy, this is real. I need you to be my advocate because I want to be an advocate for others so they know they are not alone. This is tough. This is exhausting. But this is me and it always will be.
You hate small talk because there is no way out of it. There’s no escape. There’s no way to plan what they are going to say or ask of you. It makes you incredibly nauseous and sweaty. It can even cause you to have a panic attack.
Shopping for random shit on amazon.
Our brains are hurricanes of ‘what ifs’. Our minds are miles and miles of questions. Of unanswered messages. Of cancelations. Of suspicion. Of losing control.
If I didn’t have anxiety, I’d have better self esteem. I wouldn’t question my ability to write. I wouldn’t question myself as a person. I wouldn’t question my self worth and ability to love. I would just be content with just me.
Anxiety doesn’t care about how happy we are or what is going on in our lives. It is always there. No matter what we do, no matter where we are, and no matter who we are with, it can happen at any moment. The fear. The shaking. The images that cross our mind at lightning speed. The panic. The twirling of our hair. The need for more oxygen. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
My anxiety is what drives me.