“

Taurus: Excuses.

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And the truth is words are like when tooth paste comes out of the bottle and you try to put it back in – it’s nearly impossible to put it back in.

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When people post their grades on their Facebook status.

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You can see I’m sitting at this bar with my friend having a clearly private conversation, but you want to come over and try to hit on us both? Okay.

“

4. Reaching for the box of your favorite cereal, only to find that someone ate all but the crumbs and put it back, apparently just to torment you.

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Tell me the place we’re going is “Omg, so close. Like two blocks away seriously” when it’s actually seventeen blocks away and you have no concept of distance or time.

“

“It’s cool. S/he’s probably just busy right now” turns into you singing Beyonce’s “Irreplacable” and imagining the different ways you could set them on fire without getting caught.