Two jobs later, I feel like I am still no further along in figuring out what the hell I’m doing or what I want to do. When you’re twenty-something, society looks at you like you are an adult. That’s not wrong, but the most adult thing I’ve ever done is probably set my bills on auto-pay.
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Take all the courage you have left, and waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head, but it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time. Didn’t I, my dear?
Am I ever really going to be happy? I ran his words through my head over and over as I packed boxes and prowled thrift stores in search of perfect white plates. I had been happy, and I had infinite space to be happy; I never thought that before, but I knew it now. I had tremendous capacity for joy, but it was hard to find.