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1. The real Miley Cyrus is dead and buried in the desert. The Miley Cyrus now is an imitator.

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No one knows more about partying than the legendary Andrew W.K. and, lucky for us, he shares his innermost party secrets with us every day on Twitter.

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Andrew WK makes freak out songs. (He pretty much built his career off of them.) So does Japandroids. So does Titus Andronicus.

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Andrew WK is more than just the sum of his parts. His energy, attitude and fierce positivity have all participated in solidifying his status as a hard-partying rock star, but it’s been his unwavering loyalty to his fans and his overall mission that have brought him success in the worlds of music and business…

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Attempt to walk down the stairs. Every step you take sounds like a loud clap of thunder though and you have to sit down every five minutes. In that moment, you and your friend look like stoned senior citizen zombies.

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In fact, Googling “female blogs” provides several directories to some of the top writers, sites and topics on the internet. Google “male blogs,” however, and you’ll fall down a completely different rabbit hole: the top result is “Best Male Blogs — Gay Blog Directory;” eight of the other top 10 results are gay porn-related; one is about male nurses; the other is spam.

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In other words: if I was going to the Big Day Out, I wanted someone to pay me. I was one of 220 gate staff out of over 500 applicants. My friends and I arrived at eight; I did up my wristband overtight. “Sometimes I think your parents should pay me baby-sitting fees,” my partner said.

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“Hi, I’m Chilly Gonzales. If you don’t know me, I’m a Grammy-nominated producer. I hold the Guinness world record for longest continuous piano concert at 27 hours. I’ve got a lot of famous friends.” He pauses for effect, then, “In France, where I live, they call me un génie musicale.”