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Season nine is going to be a slasher-themed season based on 80’s horror movies. 

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Well, We’re finally there, the end of the end of the world.

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Ryan Murphy is dangerously close to catching these hands.

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Oh, what, you’re a white, cis man and you can’t navigate the world made for you? Walk into the river, you’re useless.

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“I’m Constance Langdon,” says Constance Langdon, “And this is my fucking house.”

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If someone gives Misty the heebie-jeebies, we listen to her. Period.

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This week on American Horror Story: Apocalypse, we learned that big witch energy is reserved for women, and so they launched an episode-long-wink-wink-nudge-nudge examination of the patriarchy.

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I’M A HOMOSEXUAL HAVING A PANIC ATTACK BECAUSE THE WITCHES ARE FINALLY BACK BLESSED BE THE GODDESS SO MOTE IT BE.

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Our precious little antichrist with locks of gold, Langdon, began this week’s hour of AHS: Apocalypse by literally unseating top-bitch, Venable, at the head table, because just like his hair, Langdon’s actions are layered.

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Well, another season of ‘American Horror Story’ is here. Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed the last 10 months of regular breathing and quiet, blush-free evenings and not having a heart attack every Wednesday night. But sorry—not anymore!