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I’ll be heading back to my Alma mater, the University of Maryland (Go Terps!) for homecoming. While I shamelessly have no intentions on actually attending the game in physical form, I am beyond excited for the tailgate, which is, after all, truly the main event.

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You feel like the sober one at the party…even though you’re more intoxicated than you’ve been in the last 4 months. When you hit the party scene as an alumni you’re surrounded by college kids who are used to doing this every weekend, and often weekdays.

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I noticed that somehow, freshmen have gotten worse. I can’t explain it. They’re just worse.

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9. I will notice how some guys really came into themselves post-college.

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What the hell am I supposed to say to a story about someone I don’t know? “Ooh, Karen is moving to Chicago? That’s so… Karen of her!”