“

“It is her!” went up a shout from the crowd. “It is the miracle girl! It is the girl who can heal the sick by breaking wind!”

“

Garry Cubit was the worst kind of annoying person—the kind who had no idea he was annoying. If you acted annoyed, he’d act surprised, which was even more annoying.

“

There would be no cure for his disease. But for Fernita Chemise and the rest of the world’s unsatisfied women, the disease itself was the cure.

“

As the morning desert sun began blasting in through the bedroom window of his small stucco cottage, Magnus Gompers started the day the way he always did—by masturbating in bed.

“

To his tremendous discomfort, he realized the messages were being sent from his own number…to his own number.

“

One day God the Father was sitting up in heaven reading The Holy Bible, and he realized how patriarchal it all was.

“

“You came promising a cure, but instead you brought the disease.”

“

They shared the same heart, the same torso, the same ass, the same penis. What they didn’t share were any opinions. They couldn’t even toast a slice of bread without a vicious political argument breaking out.

“

In the past three days, Iris had given birth three times—each time she’d gone to the bathroom to defecate.

“

It was a summer morning like any other—except for the fact that when he looked in the bathroom mirror while splashing cold water on his face, Gregg Sandstone did not expect to see an adult human vagina occupying the center of his forehead.