I am tired of listening to people talking about abuse as though a victim must be of a certain sex, or provoking by looking and acting a certain way. Abuse is entirely gender neutral.
We don’t always get to choose the paths we are taken down.
If someone doesn’t have the moral capacity to treat you with basic respect or act with integrity, it is doubtful they have changed overnight for someone else.
You have been mercilessly violated, manipulated, lied to, ridiculed, demeaned and gaslighted into believing that you are imagining things. The person you thought you knew and the life you built together have been shattered into a million little fragments.
Imagine being told repeatedly that you’re the reason you can’t be with the person you love, by the person you love, and yet they won’t leave you alone, no matter how much you beg them to.
The most shameful part of this relationship, for me, is how I begun to crave him and the tumult he brought into my life. I was broken down to the point that I took blame for everything.
I used to have three group messages dedicated to friends I partied with; we’d message each other daily to make plans. I used to take my homework to the bars and work on it between drinks and conversation. I used to have a peppermint candle by my bed that I loved, but I had to throw it away because every time I smelled it I thought of lying awake with the spins and I’d start to gag.
Forgiveness is very much a reckoning.
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship feels like being sucker punched, then looking around for the one you love to help you get up but discovering he was the one who made you hit the ground in the first place.
Mental and emotional abuse is also an abuse. It is in no way less painful than the other.