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Why do I look forward to Monday nights with such fervor?

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(This is in no particular order!) 

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I’ve got a fever. And the only prescription is more Peter.

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Going purely by your on-television romantic history, you like feisty brunettes. Well, Nick, I’m here to tell you I’m a feisty brunette!

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CHAMPAGNE: You wake up with fully done make-up when The Bachelor “surprises” everyone in the early morning.

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You’re able to disagree, especially when it comes to whether or not she’ll pick Jordan for hometowns even though he has no relationship with his professional football player brother.

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You go through the same experience every Monday: your brain is like ‘What was that thing I was looking forward to tonight?’ And then you remember that that thing is watching The Bachelor, and you experience a bunch of excitement followed by a flood of shame over the fact that this is the person you have become.

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If I ever (even jokingly) aspire to marry my baby off to a software salesman from Indiana end my life pls. This is very creepy!!!!