“

Stacy took my Florida address and gave me a squeeze on the shoulder as she got off the bus. Her eyes were as light blue as they used to be, and I remembered how much I’d been attracted to her. She seemed to have turned out so well that I was pleased with myself for once loving her.

“

From Brooklyn College, I drove to New Utrecht High School, where I was supposed to teach a class in Basic English Grammar. On the classroom’s blackboard someone had drawn a grave inscribed “John Lennon 1940-1980 – His Music Will Live Forever.” Of course I did not erase it.

“

We got a cab to take us to the Sheraton Centre for the New York Press Club’s annual Byline Ball. Arriving just as the cocktail hour was breaking up, we headed for our table, where we sat with the head of the Parking Violations Bureau and his wife.

“

Lauren was crossing Santa Monica Boulevard looking for the perfect pair of shoes when some guy in a Corvette shouted at her, for no reason, “Fuck you, Blondie clone!”

“

Right now I feel really creepy, like I’m not myself but some creature from another planet, an alien being. In a way I wish I could have gone with Wolfgang last night, traveling across America for the next few weeks.

“

I met my Veterans Outreach class, most of whom failed the CUNY Writing Assessment Test and thus the course, at least once before. I even have some of my old students from the spring of 1979. That means they failed with me and maybe twice more last year.

“

In Chelsea, I was surrounded by poor people, mostly black and Hispanic. It made me feel funny to be among them, but I think I understand the indignity of accepting government assistance a little better. My food stamp card is almost like a badge of honor: it says I’ve been down and out, too.

“

He called me a bastard for not calling him and said I could make up for it by going with him to a Cosmos soccer game this evening; I told him I would.

“

For eleven years I’ve been using my writing in this diary to articulate life. How do I describe the last two days? I’ve been to Fire Island and back, and so much has happened. Avis is married. Janice is dead. Does any of it make sense?

“

The doctor said he would allow Janice to have a relative stay with her in the room after visiting hours were over, and she said, “Richard Grayson will be my relative tonight.” When Janice and I were alone, I watched her tortured breathing.