There we were laying in bed. My head was pressed against your neck. I could hear your heart beat in the silence.
The silence was calm, yet somehow so powerful. Our bodies rose and fell together as our breathing became in sync, we were breathing as one. Your hand was running through my hair as I gently traced your arm with my tiny fingers that fit so perfectly in between yours. My mind was at ease, I felt whole, I felt beautiful, I felt safe. Safe with you, safe to let my guard down, safe to give you my all, safe to tell you everything.
The night went on and we spoke about our family, our lives, our wildest dreams, our pasts, our experiences. We spoke about everything until we fell asleep in each other’s arms my body perfectly curved to fit around yours.
You know the stuff they talk about in the movies, how you just know when it’s right? That night felt right, it felt like I was in the movie and things couldn’t have gone better.
The next day when you dropped me to the door and said goodbye, the thing you didn’t see was the smile. As I turned around, the smile I had been hiding crept up on my face, I couldn’t control it. I was just so happy and couldn’t wait till I got to see you again.
That night my mind kept going back to the things you said, the way it felt so right with you, the way it felt to feel so at peace with one person, the feeling I had never felt with anyone before. I wanted to message you and tell you how special it was to me hoping I’d get the same response.
But I didn’t, I didn’t message you because I didn’t want to be “that desperate girl.” I waited.
I waited and I waited. The days went by and the conversations we used to have about everything became one way conversations between me and your one word responses.
The days passed by and the conversations got shorter, until nothing. I strained my eyes trying not to fall asleep in case I missed your message in the middle of the night. Again, I waited. I don’t know what I was waiting for, but in the end I gave up. I accepted the truth I had been denying the whole time. I came out of the movie and back to reality.
My brain was confused. I thought you may have just been busy, or maybe I did something wrong. I still don’t know what it was. There’s so many possibilities and there’s only one question I have.
Why did you tell me all the things you did that night? Why did you make me feel so special and say all the things you knew would lure me into you? Why would you make me so vulnerable and then nothing? Why would you leave me hanging onto something instead of just telling me?
I’m a big girl, I could’ve handled it. I would’ve preferred the truth than to still wonder what went wrong.