Tad Kensington

You’re probably an overweight pescetarian who doesn’t understand why replacing chicken with pasta and girl scout cookies hasn’t earned you the thigh gap.

As an upstanding member of today’s egalitarian society, it’s my duty to provide the male perspective to any women who may be wondering what vintage or obscure items will make them sexy.

“Do what you want” is the most emasculating, garbage statement a girl can make. It makes men in relationships weak.

You are not fat because you have to be. You are fat because you choose to be.

I’m not without morals – when I piss in a girl’s bed I take her to dinner.

For all the feminist talk about blowing up gender roles, random chicks at bars prefer to stick to tradition. They want the man to be dominant.