No matter where you take us, we’ll be the best dressed in attendance. If it’s the Kentucky Derby, we’ll have the most spectacular Southern Belle hat at Churchill Downs. If it’s tailgating, since football season means high fashion, we’ll rock the perfect gameday attire – which means a sundress and pearls in the south. If it’s just the two of us in the bed of your truck on a sweet summer night, we’ll be irresistible in our Johnny Cash t-shirt, our cowboy boots and “what’s left of those blue jeans”. You might have to wait a few extra minutes for us to finish getting ready but we believe it’s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly. You won’t catch us looking like we just got off the Hot Mess Express!
With that said, you should know that we were raised to wear our clothes tight enough to show we’re a woman but loose enough to show we’re a lady. We are well polished and our taste is refined. We don’t do tacky. Instead, we dress like every day is National Wear Your Lilly Day. So if you want a girl whose pants are so tight you can see her religion, don’t let the door hit-cha where the Good Lord split-cha.
As near and dear as Lilly Pulitzer is to our hearts (God rest her soul), this is the Dirty South and we can “rock the boots and the daisy dukes like only a country girl can.” But if you do us wrong, we’ll “kick you to the curb in our red high heels.”
If you take us hunting, don’t make fun of our monogrammed 20-gauge Winchester! We’ll still be “turnin’ them heads” in our camouflage and pearls. We know it doesn’t matter how still we are, diamond studs aren’t allowed in the deer stand! (There’s nothing like shotgun shells and Southern belles!)
Yes, what you’ve heard is true – we really were “Little Miss” something, at some point, in some pageant, somewhere below the Mason Dixon Line. There’s something about a South Carolina beauty queen that’ll have you “tryin’ to pour a little sugar in our Dixie cup”.
We’re only helpless when our finger nails are wet and even then, we could still pull a trigger if we had to.
Losing a game of Cornhole is reason enough for having our lips poked out from here to Jesus for a few minutes.
We wink at everybody so don’t get your feathers all ruffled.
We’re “tired of fast moves.” (You can learn a lot from Conway Twitty.)
If you don’t open our door, we’re not getting in that truck.
You’ll be amazed what the arch of a Southern girl’s eyebrow will make a man do.
We mind our manners. We say “sir” and “ma’am” and “please” and “thank you.” And when we say the blessing, we expect you to take your hat off.
Our accent will render you defenseless. A man will fall all over himself when a woman puts a little south in her mouth!
But y’all have some ammunition too. All it takes to make us melt is a kiss on the forehead from a boy in a bow tie.
We’re lil firecrackers and you better stay away when we get mad. “Cause we can make your world fall apart and when we love, we love with all our heart.” But we’ll always forgive you and you can be redeemed from most of your transgressions with a David Yurman box or a weekend in Hilton Head or Tybee Island. If not, you done messed up! “You better pack up your shit and get gone!”
We know 101 ways to use a Mason jar. We put everything in ‘em – from our sweet tea to our vintage buttons to the flowers you bring us. And when we have kids, that’s what they’ll put their lightnin’ bugs in someday.
There are some things a lady just doesn’t talk about – especially if they involve hay bales, a tractor and some moonshine! But “rock my world, little country girl” is a tribute to us. So let your imagination run wild with that.
We “wanna love like Johnny and June.”
We don’t care who you are, how much money you have, how big your boat is, if we forget how to walk when you take your shirt off or which SEC football team you were on – it takes a whole lot more than some lazy text messages to get our attention. If you can’t do better than that, we’ll just swipe and delete.
If you want us to marry you (and you got our Daddy’s permission) and your last name is not compatible with our monogram, just know that we’re gonna have to buy ALL. NEW. EVERYTHING.
And for the love of all things holy – if you manage to hit the jackpot with a “Carolina girl, sweet Southern pearl” – don’t be dumb enough to cheat on us. Didn’t your Mama teach you that you can’t ride two horses with one ass? The world is full of guys who would fight Hell and half of Georgia for a Southern girl’s honor. If you don’t appreciate what you have, you’ll learn the hard way to appreciate what you had.
You get what you pay for – and I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about what no amount of money can buy. A Southern girl is like a diamond in a rhinestone world. When you find something precious and rare, you value it and you take care of it. If you throw it away like it’s trash, be prepared for it to become another man’s treasure.
“She don’t just rain, she pours. That girl right there’s the perfect storm.”
So fellas, if you love a Southern girl, raise your glass. If not, raise your standards.