1. You have no one to blame but yourself for where you are in life. You can’t always control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it and what you do with it. You are responsible for creating the life you’ve imagined. “Easier said than done” is something people say when they’re making excuses for not doing what they know they should. If something is making you miserable, it’s up to you to change it. Eventually you’ll get sick and tired of being sick and tired and that’s precisely when you’ll take accountability and decide to do something about it.
2. There’s no such thing as mixed signals. People show you exactly how they feel – or don’t feel – about you. You may not like it but if you’re honest with yourself, deep down you really do know where you stand with the person in question. Have the courage to accept that reality for what it is, not what you wish it was. And have the class to walk away with your dignity intact. Anyone who doesn’t appreciate you, doesn’t deserve you. Be thankful for the people who don’t love you enough – they remind you to hold out for the one who will.
3. In the words of Siobhan Vivian, “You can decorate absence however you want but you’re still gonna feel what’s missing.” You can only occupy your mind with distractions for so long. What you’ll come to realize is that those distractions won’t put you back together. Nor will they keep you from falling apart. They might hold you in place temporarily, but then what? Our hearts have a way of reminding us who they still belong to. And when all is said and done, what defense do you really have against the reality of matters of the heart?
You can try to fill the empty space with imitations but the truth is: there’s no substitute for the real thing. You can try to ignore it and you might be able to for a little while. But when the thoughts that you run from catch up to you, it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks. So either you can feel it now or you can feel it later. What you can’t do is hide from it forever.
4. Closure is not something you get from someone else. Part of the need to get closure comes from wanting to understand why. What you need to understand instead is that sometimes it really doesn’t matter why. What difference does it make if it was because your eyes are brown and he prefers blue? Or if there was someone else? The end result is the same regardless of the reasons. What it all comes down to is that he doesn’t want to be with you and that’s really all you need to know. Period. You have to find a way to surrender to the things you can’t change because you simply cannot control the uncontrollable. If it’s essential to your wellbeing and if you need it to move forward, you don’t leave it up to someone else to provide it for you. When you allow your progress to depend on his ability or willingness to give you answers, you give away your power.
That in itself is counterproductive to what you’re trying to achieve. You may never know why certain things happen and you have to learn how to be okay with that. By fixating on what went wrong, you’re prolonging the agony and perpetuating the pain. Have you not had enough of that already? Besides answers, what you really want when you crave closure is peace. And the truth is that that comes from within. Sometimes you just have to be your own hero.
5. Everything you do in life comes back to you. In a world that’s constantly changing, the basic fundamentals never do – so practice the Golden Rule. Decide to do what’s right even when it’s not easy or convenient. Remember that integrity is what you do when no one is looking. Take the time to consider how you treat people and the impact it has. Keep in mind that regardless of whether you personally care about someone or not, every single person alive is somebody’s daughter or somebody’s brother or somebody’s best friend. They matter to someone even if they don’t matter to you and when they hurt, their pain is just as real as yours is when you hurt. Be honest but be kind. Maybe the truth hurts but there’s no reason you can’t deliver it gently. And you know what they say about them tables…
They always turn.