You’re Not Really A Couple Until You Have These 17 Different Types Of Sex

Photo by OnaArtist.com
Photo by OnaArtist.com

1. Drunk sex

Early in a relationship, it’s typical to get tipsy and/or flat-out wasted before getting naked together. Alcohol eases our inhibitions and makes the process of learning someone else’s body slightly less intimidating. If booze helps you figure out how to turn your partner on and get them off, so be it!

2. Hungover sex

Whether you were blasted the night before because you’re still in the midst of the beginning, lustful stage of dating, or you randomly decided to party your faces off two years into exclusivity, hangover sex is the natural successor to drunk sex. You wake up feeling like absolute crap, and the only thing—other than a bacon egg and cheese sandwich, of course—that will make the world right again is an orgasm.

3. Dead sober sex

Since you can’t get drunk every single day of your lives, at a certain point you have to embrace sober boning. The beauty of boinking dead sober is that it feels amazing because you’re so much more in tune with your senses than you are while under the influence. Plus, the whole experience is much more memorable simply because you’re doing it without compromising any brain cells and you are actually able to remember it.

4. Celebratory sex

When you truly adore someone, their happiness is yours. What better way to note a happy occasion than to give each other the gift of orgasmic pleasure? Every promotion, good grade, and closed deal is worth acknowledging with intercourse.

5. Ego boosting sex

We’re all bound to have bad days, and to feel down and out and entirely unsexy as a result. If you’re in a relationship, it’s your job to sense when your partner might benefit from an ego boost and to do what you can to excavate them from the rut they’re in. One of the most effective ways to do this is to fuck them back to their happy place.

6. Obligation sex

Sometimes, you have sex because it just seems like you should. For instance, when you’re on vacation, unencumbered by your hectic schedules, you’ll probably feel obligated to have more sex than usual. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are also days on which you might fuck mostly because it seems like a bad idea not to.

7. Hate fucking

It doesn’t matter how madly in love you are. There will be times when you hate each other to bits. You will fight or you will grow tired of each other and the very sight of your partner’s face will drive you literally insane. Luckily, there’s a good use for all of that anger. When channeled into fucking, temporary loathing can make for an incredible flesh bumping sesh. This is when you tear each other’s clothes off, experiment with spanking, and cum like crazy.

8. Makeup sex

Once the anger fades and you remember just how much you love each other, and why, the next step is makeup sex. This is when you shower each other with compliments in between apologizing for your respective roles in the nastiness that preceded, and make sweet, tender love that lasts and lasts.

9. Sex for him or her

You’re not going to feel horny every time your partner wants to get laid. Sometimes, they’ll start tickling your stomach or scratching your back and you won’t feel the least bit aroused. You might as well suck it up and fuck them, even if you’re not in the mood, because there will come a time when you’ll need them to do the same for you.

10. Morning sex

There are days that call for hitting the snooze button and using those extra twelve minutes for naked play instead of additional sleep. It’s tough to regret embarking on the day ahead with an orgasm under your belt. You’re bound to think about each other and that satisfying morning romp throughout the hours that lie ahead—until you’re back together and you can do it all over again.

11. Sick sex

Every couple ends up sick simultaneously at some point because people who exchange bodily fluids regularly tend to contract things from each other. Lying in bed together, sneezing and wheezing and dry heaving and feeling like shit, one of you will realize that orgasming might be the key to temporary relief from whatever’s ailing you. So you’ll rub your sweaty, slimy bodies together until one of you passes out from exerting energy they don’t have, or one of you gets off. It’ll be gross, but also memorable.

12. Routine sex

Every couple eventually falls into a sexual routine of sorts, but whatever qualifies as “normal” between the sheets for you and your significant other doesn’t have to be dull or disappointing. If anything, you’re probably really good at getting each other off in a particular position. So be proud of your go-to boning style and use those routine strategies as you please without fear of being boring.

13. Dirty sex

If you feel like you’ve been leaning on your routine too much, you can always mix things up. Read articles, watch movies, and keep your ears open for new ideas. Maybe it’s as simple as spanking or blindfolding each other. Maybe you’re kinkier to start with, and the next level means an orgy, or anal. Whatever the case, when one person gets the urge to push the bedtime boundaries, it’s time to get naughty and experiment.

14. Silly sex

Laughing and orgasming are both highly pleasurable activities that trigger the release of feel good hormones in the brain. Combined, they tend to enhance one another. Couples that stay together long enough figure this out, so they don’t shy away from getting downright weird and trying to make each other crack up during sex.

15. Nostalgic sex

Once you’ve been together for an extended period, you accumulate a vast archive of memories that can be extremely powerful romantic triggers. You will stare into your lover’s eyes or observe them from afar and suddenly remember that time when [insert special moment], and you will be drawn to them all over again with a burning passion, as if Cupid just shot that arrow in your ass.

16. Sex in public

Doing it out in the open is a common bucket list item for couples. It’s not even all that hard to execute, so it’s totally worth the thrill that goes with it, and the shared story you get to relive thereafter. All you need is the right moment and the right abandoned street or bathroom to make it happen. In exchange for a few minutes of discomfort, you earn yourselves a lifetime of bragging rights.

17. Quickies

Time should never be a constraint on your sex life. If you want lasting love, you absolutely have to fit sex into your lives, no matter how busy you are. Mastering the art of the quickie is one way to ensure that you can get off and get on with your respective days without feeling sexually frustrated (and thus more likely to stray). You don’t even have to be naked to do some quick thrusting and humping. TC mark

Real Sex Stories book cover

Read more writing like this in Mélanie Berliet’s book Real Sex Stories That Will Make You Really Horny here.

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You’re Not Really A Couple Until You Have These 17 Different Types Of Sex is cataloged in , , , , , , , , , , , ,
  • http://allensrepositoryofstuff.wordpress.com allensrepositoryofstuff

    We have a lot of hallway sex these days. We pass each other in the hall and say “fuck you.”

  • https://annalevensonpsy.wordpress.com AnnaLevensonPsy

    Done done done and done! Loved this. Funny too :-)

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