1. Alcohol is the best way to lubricate an evening—to get in someone’s pants and arrive at the portion of a date (or random hook-up) when you get to use the actual lubricant.
2. There’s no doubt that enough cocktails will strip you of all inhibition, which means you’re way more likely to strip your clothes off when wasted.
3. And that you’ll do so without worrying about what anyone thinks about your naked body. Lights on? Who cares!
4. Since there’s no beating around the bush (metaphorical or literal) when two people are drunk, you get to the fun stuff way faster than you otherwise would.
5. And since spirited imbibing rids you of self-doubt, there’s no play-by-play fretting throughout.
6. You don’t have to worry about when to go in for a little nipple sucking or when to grab his crotch or when to lick her pussy once you’re properly sauced.
7. You don’t have to worry about how good you are in bed, either. You’re grade-A goddess material in your own, esteemed drunken opinion.
8. And BELIEVING that you’re an animal in bed is a self-fulfilling prophecy, so you actually will be awesome in the sack if you’re drunk enough to believe you’re Jenna-Jameson-great at BJs.
9. Let’s face it: Unless you’re one of those sad, angry drunks, you’re the most fun version of yourself when blasted. Which means whomever you sleep with plastered is ten times more likely to ask you out (or booty call you) again.
10. It also means you’ll probably wow them with your willingness to experiment.
11. Nothing seems out of the realm of possibility when you’re intoxicated, so you’ll have a blast letting your freak flag fly, and inviting your partner to do the same.
12. You might even do something totally outside your dull, sober comfort zone like role-play, BDSM, or anal.
13. Not even a live masturbation demo for a stranger is out of the question when you can lean on a solid buzz.
14. After downing enough bottles of wine and/or tequila shots, you might just find yourself producing and starring in your own sex tape, which you can use to elevate your career one day and/or blackmail your hook-up (if things go that way).
15. Drunk sex is also the ideal platform for attempting some crazy acrobatic moves so you can cite “the upside-down tractor” or anything other than “missionary” or “doggy style” as your favorite position without lying your ass off.
16. Since time is pretty much suspended when you’re bombed, nobody keeps track of how long the foreplay lasts, or how long you’re able to maintain an erection.
17. And because drinking is entirely legal, you get to suggest it without about being judged, whereas whipping out a joint or a crack pipe might turn off a certain type.