We’ve all fallen into the trap of special love. You meet that one person who lights up your whole universe. With them, you feel like there is a good reason to live. Finally. Your heart beats fast at the mere thought of them. At last, you’ve found your other half, and everything will be great.
Except, it’s not and can’t be, as long as you perceive them to be special.
I’ve made the same mistake. In 2011, I met a man who has made me feel alive and awakened new depths of feelings in me. It felt like I had finally found someone who vibrates at the same wavelength as me. The same alien as me.
Until that time, I haven’t experienced real love, even though I had been in a long relationship. This man cracked open my heart so wide that there was nowhere else to hide, so all I could be was to stand firmly in all my vulnerability.
As you could guess, I made him special in my mind. I put him on a pedestal and made myself believe that I could be happy only with him. No other man could have compared to him. What I didn’t know back then is that he has awakened my heart to a new capacity to feel unconditional love.
Yes, although we’re flawed human beings, we can still tap into the unconditional love. If you ask how it feels like, I can best describe that feeling like a-bomb tearing up your heart with so much love that it often brings you to tears and you feel like you’re flying up in the skies.
That was the purpose of meeting him – it was a gift from the universe which was meant to speed up my inner growth.
Yet how my mind has justified the feeling of unconditional love was another story. The only possible explanation for my ego was that he was the source and that I felt that way because we were meant to be together. Well, we weren’t. We’ve just opened each other up to a new level of existence.
We like the idea of meeting someone special – one of their kind. In the last couple of years, all kinds of a soulmate and twin flame theories have come up to illustrate our desire to meet our other half. It sounds romantic at first, but when you take a closer look, you’ll find out that it’s actually ego love.
The ego – also known as our fears and subconscious beliefs – wants us to keep repeating similar dramas and challenges on a loop. This way it can easily control our thinking and thus our life decisions. It’s that mean voice in your head that tells you that you’re not good enough if you’re alone or someone doesn’t praise you.
The ego goes a distance to twist the truth and use it for its purposes. The belief that out there is this one person who can make you happy is its master idea.
When we believe in special love, we put the other person on a pedestal and worship them. Whatever they do is untouchable and perfect. Not only that this makes us blind to their humanity and shortcomings, but we also place that person above everyone and everything else.
You put them into a one-man universe that doesn’t include even you. They become unreachable for you because you’re here on Earth while they’re high up in skies.
And this is where the problem lies. The belief that someone is more special than someone else violates the primary laws of the universe. It attempts to restrict and control love, and thus the love dissipates.
In our minds, the other person is even more special than we’re. Thus we show that we haven’t yet built a healthy relationship with ourselves and we don’t respect and love ourselves enough.
Other words, we’ve believed in the illusion that contrasts the universal principle that all is love. That all includes everything and everyone, not just the one person.
But each illusion must burst. Either voluntarily or that person (or anything else we’ve glorified) is removed from our lives.
It must happen because the life always auto-corrects everything back to love and truth. If we live out of the alignment with this principle, the universe corrects our misconceptions and ill-based perceptions of life. It doesn’t mean that the person is not the right one for you. It just means that your beliefs aren’t.
This applies to anything special. Perhaps you’ve noticed that when you want something badly – like a promotion, new bag, more customers – to the extent of obsessing about that one thing and then you don’t get it. Something happens, and Mary gets promoted instead, or you don’t have any money to buy that new bag or if you do someone steals it.
The second illusion that special love creates is the that our minds dive deeper into the delusion of separation. When we’re locked up in our love bubble, we tend to separate from others. Because we think that no one else could understand what we’re feeling and experiencing at that moment.
We might even go so far that we begin to judge others in our minds and think that they’ve never experienced anything like that. This happens especially when the Mr. Special doesn’t seem to feel the same.
The belief in separation is another form of worshiping something special. Since we’re all connected at the energy, heart, and soul levels, this is illusion must die as well.
Therefore, be careful to label someone special because you can be sure that if that idea starts to obsess you, the person (or anything else) will be taken from you. So you realign yourself with the natural flow of life which is all is love.