Low self-esteem is one of the main killers of relationships. Although many women have low self-esteem I think that this topic is not discussed enough. It doesn’t sound sexy to say that you’ve a low self-esteem. And though you might admit it to your best friend, you don’t go around and shout you don’t believe in your worth.
On the surface, many people want to look better than how they actually feel like inside. Putting on a mask in the morning has become a habit that is accepted by the society. Yet pretending to be someone you’re not creates anxiety and disconnects you even more from your true self. Sometimes, it can take so far that you don’t remember who you are anymore.
Lacking a sense of self-worth can create many tragedies in life.
If you don’t know your value, you’re more likely to be afraid to say no. And there are situations when saying no may take you to a different and more challenging life path. You can also take a safe job which pays the bill although it sucks your soul because you don’t trust you can do better. Or you decide to study something that pleases more your family than your heart.
Yet when it comes to relationships, low self-worth is the most visible there.
What does low self-esteem cause in relationships?
1. Frequent arguments. This is an obvious one but maybe it’s not so obvious how it’s connected. When you don’t think that you’re worthy, you unconsciously believe that you’re not worthy of your partner. Your fear is that he will leave you, cheat on you, or that he will lose interest in you. From your perspective, one of these outcomes is almost certain. Once he finds out who you really are, he’ll leave.
When he compliments you, you dismiss it thinking that he isn’t serious about it. Whenever he does something that feels like appreciating your own value, your mind disregards it because it goes against what it beliefs to be true. Therefore, you don’t receive him the way he is because it doesn’t match your mind’s belief and you’re more often anxious. You think that you’re not good enough so you look for the proofs. You become more irritated and even the smallest proof of not getting enough attention or love can make you to create arguments.
2. Envy. Maybe this isn’t so common for women but it also happens. If your partner has better relationships with his family or with friends, it can ignite a little spark of envy within you. If he has more money and freedom to buy whatever he wants while you don’t allow yourself to step into the right abundance mindset, it can create frustration and envy. On one hand, you want to see him happy and succeed. On the other hand, you feel even worse next to him because you see the gap between you two.
3. Jealousy. This is a big one. Jealousy is a common topic of many of my coaching clients. It’s way more common than we dare to admit. The link between low self-esteem and jealousy is very visible in this case. When you think that you’re unworthy, you lower yourself in your mind and raise other women above you. At least in your mind. Your mind is on its quest to find the proofs for your belief of unworthiness so it calls your attention to any seemingly better woman. Your mind idolizes other women and you become jealous of your partner’s female friends or colleagues. This is of course one of the reasons why many relationships break up.
4. Irritation. When you don’t trust in yourself, you probably also don’t pursue your dreams. You question your abilities and talents and therefore you give up or even never start. Well this creates a ton of irritation. A woman who doesn’t follow her heart desires becomes irritated and depressed. Every woman must believe that she can fly and that the doors are open to welcome her dreams. I believe that a happy woman is the core of a happy relationship. Therefore, following your dreams can be one of the best investments into your relationship.