Sydney Santana

i need proof you are gone. i need proof to mourn because this is unbearable.

I’ve had 25 years of brainwashing telling me there is only the final goal, the top of the pyramid to achieve, the final box to check, but the joke is on you, society. I am whole by myself.

i am freefalling through every level of this dark and lonely place as life continues on. i am ignoring calls and canceling plans. i am looking through photos, rereading old texts, and wondering in what world you deserved this.

You are the sweetness I want to end each day with.

And some part of me knows I don’t.

My to-do list is getting longer and longer.

I imagine you beside me, that we can both experience this moment, individually, and as one.

it is not you that my red lips with kiss, colors of permanence.

i learned that even when you let someone borrow your pillow
and they promise to give it back
they are liars