1. Leave your house with what Cosmo would call a “fresh, bare” face, but what all of us in the real world might recognize as a “blotchy, unsightly nightmare.” Large sunglasses and/or bulky face scarf recommended.
2. Head in the direction of your largest local Sephora. Remember, the bigger the store, the more comfortable you’ll feel semi-illegally prancing around in your own free makeup playground!
3. Walk in the door acting like you plan on spending money. This has more to do with confidence than anything else. If you’re sporting a head-to-toe Forever 21 outfit, wear it like it’s actually from J. Crew’s cool casual line. Naw sayin’?
4. Put an inquisitive look on your face and begin choosing a powder. The key here is to appear like you’re trying the powder on for research purposes, not for shameless I’m-a-broke-23-year-old-who-eats-a-lot-of-peanut-butter purposes.
5. Repeat step 4 with bronzer, blush, bronzer-blush, eye shadow, middle-school-style shimmer powder — anything you can get your grubby little hands on. This Sephora is your oyster, get out there and shuck it!!!
6. Complete your bold new look by wiping a lipstick tube with tissue, shifting your eyes from left and right, then quickly slabbing the color onto your lips. Oh, and then pray you don’t get herpes. If you do, hey — beauty is pain!!
7. On your way out, stop by the fragrance section and spray at least five separate scents on differing parts of your body. Add a few smelly lotions for added emphasis. Congrats, you wild child you, you smell as confused as you feel!
8. Walk out the way you came in — confident, assured, and broke but way less blotchy. Is that Beyonce?!??!?