While no two dads are exactly alike, there are certain elements about fathers that stay the same across the board: outdated slang, weird shorts, an affinity for outdoor barbequing, etc. My dad just turned 60 years old, and in honor of father figures across the world, I’d like to share a quick list of things he’s taught me:
1. Stick to your guns. For example, if you grew a mustache in college, keep it. Forever.
2. When you move somewhere new, immediately seek out a wine or liquor store and make friends.
3. Have anywhere from 5 to 10 trusty jokes and phrases on hand at all times. Your family will hate you for it, but you’ll be the life of every party.
4. Eat balanced meals. This means large hunks of charred black rare steak and enough starches to keep things interesting.
5. Be hilariously honest at all times, even if the inevitable consequences of doing so are not so hilarious.
6. You don’t need television when you have a wine fridge and strong opinions.
7. Say outlandish things to people when you first meet them in order to see if they can run with you. If they can, keep them close to you for life.
8. Always be the last to leave a party.
9. It’s good to pair a very cool, very loud car with a civil war mustache. This ensures that you will always make a grand entrance.
10. The two most important things in life are as follows: to be able to entertain yourself, and to have people there to laugh with you along the way.