1. Endearing Neighborhood Regulars
Is it unreasonable to dress up as the guy who owns the deli by my house? He always has the same sensible burgundy shirt on and is constantly talking on his flip phone. I’m sure I could purchase both of these items for a grand total of forty dollars or less, and I definitely wouldn’t regret owning either of them come November.
Can somebody please dress up as Tuesday or confusion or the concept of gentrification? These costumes would serve as a great conversation starter while I’m bored and only mildly house-party drunk.
Like, the holiday. Somebody should dress up as the actual holiday. See what I did there? I’m good at this right???
4. Conservative Versions Of Classically Slutty Costume
I’d love to see a girl dress up as a real, honest-to-God nurse. Just some practical scrubs and maybe a couple of technical accessories. No frills, no cleavage, no problem.
5. D-List Celebrities
Why does Lady Gaga get all the lovin’? I would love to see some fallen star costumes, like a Josh Hartnett or a Carmen Electra or an Al Gore. Or maybe just a random guy from a one-off insurance commercial. I’m just trying to be fair to Hollywood, guys.
6. Edible Costumes
This one is pretty straightforward. I want more people to wear costumes that I can eat.
7. Scary Versions of Happy Characters
I would love to see a zombie Mickey Mouse. Or a monster Taylor Swift. Or maybe just Honey Boo Boo if Honey Boo Boo was a demon. In fact, fuck it — I am begging everyone on the internet to dress up as demon Honey Boo Boos. I have needs too, okay?!?