1. Matthew McConaughey
I don’t mean to sound like a douche here, but it honestly surprises me that Matthew McConaughey managed to even complete high school. He just strikes me as so irreparably stupid. Like a pile of dumb sandwiched between two dumbs on top of another dumb. He seems nearly as dumb as this metaphor.
2. Montel Williams
Montel Williams went to The Naval Academy. Where he studied engineering. How does one attend The Naval Academy, study engineering, and then end up hosting a talk show where women reveal they have 18 separate baby daddies? I just don’t understand.
3. Weird Al Yankovic
He hasn’t exactly used his degree in architecture (yes, architecture) but he did write his first spoof song in college — it was called “My Bologna” after The Knack’s “My Sharona.” So. Thank God for that.
4. Kourtney Kardashian
It’s hard for me to imagine the Kardashians living normal lives before their explosions into fame. I guess I just can’t picture how anyone gets from point A (regular human) to point B (a full-blown Kardashian). I certainly hadn’t imagined a pit stop at college. (By the way, she was a drama major. How shocked are you?)
5. Hugh Hefner
On second thought, I guess this one makes sense. Hefner does live his life like one gigantic, dinosaur frat boy.
6. Jerry Springer
Do you think Jerry Springer’s alma mater, Tulane University, wants to cry over the fact that he not only attended their institution, but got an actual degree in Political Science? Do you think they’re open about their Jerry Springer past or do you think they try to keep things hush-hush? For that matter, how does Jerry Springer feel about himself? I have so many pointless questions.
Here are some facts that make me uncomfortable: Ludacris went to Georgia State University. He got a degree in Music Business. He has since started two separate companies, taken on several acting roles, and sometimes chooses to wear glasses. I sincerely wish he would just stop all of this and continue rapping about various hoes in differing area codes.