1) Going to a party or bar where you don’t know anyone
If a friend ever states, “I know we don’t know anyone, but let’s just go – it’ll be fun” it is imperative that you translate their words into the following: “I’m going because this guy/girl I’m trying to bang might be there.” Do not get dragged into this trap. You’ll just end up feeling that mixture of bored and uncomfortable that ends up in drunk and then you will most likely puke on your shoes.
I just can’t understand why anyone would want to lug socks from home, rent out stiff shoes that smell like middle school, eat subpar nachos, and chuck some dangerously heavy balls down an alleyway. I hate to be this person, but aren’t we all a little old for this? If not, perhaps a bit too sober?
3) Running a marathon
Do people even do this for fun? In all seriousness, why again do people do this?
4) Taking on an elaborate DIY project
Ooooo, let’s add studs to these pants! Let’s dye and cut all the tops I have from the 7th grade to make them hip again! Let’s paint our entire living room a bright tangerine color! Or let’s not because ten minutes in I’m confused, sweating, hungry, and filled with regret. And now I own pants with studs down one leg. Useless.
5) Going to a concert, movie, or play that just isn’t up your alley
“Branching out” seems like something a cultured human being should want to do. I should want to attend that ska festival that my friend’s cousin has free tickets to. I should want to see that action flick with all the Oscar buzz and hot, hip stars. I should want to attend that community theatre piece about the historic Native American struggle. But I don’t, and once I get there, I still don’t. Then I just want to leave and listen to Drake in the comfort of my own home, which I recognize is pretty much the opposite of all the activities I just named.