10 Reasons To Be Excited You Live In America

The great thing about the 4th of July is that it gives you a shameless excuse to celebrate the best things about America — excessive food intake, loud noises, and flagrant laziness. But believe it or not, that’s not all we have to thank our grand country for — on this 4th of July, let us also remember the little things that make America such a solid place to live.

1. Speaking English. English is like the security blanket of languages — sure, it may be filled with holes, covered in PB&J, and encrusted with non-words like “gnarly” and “YOLO,” but it still allows us to land in any number of first-world countries and have the ability to communicate. Thanks for that one, England!

2. Rap music. The fact that we (a term I use very, very loosely) invented rap music makes me feel so many things, including but not limited to unprecedented pride and unbridled joy. As long as Europe provides the dance hits and we provide the talk of hos and hunids (that’s “hundreds” in standard English) all is musically right with the world. I think it was Mozart that first said that, no?

3. Being located just north of Mexico. Immigration debates can really be a downer, but god damn, taco platters are awesome.

4. Target. You can literally buy dairy products, children’s sports gear, patio furniture, pants, and all the Christmas trees your SUV can handle at the same time. Borderline concerning? Maybe. Indisputably awesome? Yes. Yes, it is.

5. We hold the world record for the fastest mile run while wearing swim fins. It’s important to have priorities.

6. Burgers and fries. Burger + heap of fries = magic trick in your mouth, and in my experience, the U.S. is the only place you can find it done right. This weekend, think about this devastating disadvantage the rest of the world is facing as you stand over your 400-pound electric grill feeling proud of what you’re capable of doing with fire.

7. Carly Rae Jepsen. Because it’s important to have something to laugh at.

8. The whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon. Because it’s important to have something to weep over.

9. The 50 States. States are pretty sweet because they give us the opportunity to juggle multiple identities. Not only do we get to identify as Americans, but we also get to be pot-smoking, dumb-sounding Californians or screaming, drinking, hunting Texans. I’m not reinforcing any stereotypes here, am I?

10. Our entrepreneurial environment. The amount of growing businesses in America is insane. I mean, there’s even a company that will charge you 10 dollars and then ship you a surprise in the mail. If that’s not innocent, capitalist fun, then I don’t know what is. TC mark

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  • jbux

    You forgot the #2. So clearly we shouldn’t be excited about counting.

  • Alex H

    Carly Rae Jepsen is Canadian!

    • Missy

      OH SHIT. THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.

  • jbux

    Also, Carly Rae Jepsen is Canadian. So.

  • Mary

    Carly Rae Jepsen = Canadian

  • Maddy

    Most hilarious mistake.
    Take her, we don’t want her! She’s yours!

  • http://twitter.com/monishd Monish Datta (@monishd)

    Dear lord, this was an awful list. Incoherent and stupid.

  • http://twitter.com/monishd Monish Datta (@monishd)

    And also, Carly Rae Jepsen = Canadian

  • http://twitter.com/sge27 Samantha Edwards (@sge27)

    Wasn’t 50 shades written by a British author who learned everything about America through the Twilight series?

  • http://twitter.com/emilydchan Emily Chan (@emilydchan)

    yeah even though she’s canadian…we have to listen to her in AMERICA, and that is seriously a tragedy

  • Renee

    Umm, Carly Rae Jepsen is canadian and E.L. James (author of Fifty Shades) is actually british…

  • TC Guest

    Yes, Carly Rae Jepsen is Canadian, and yes, E.L. James (50 Shades of Grey) is English–in fact, the phenomenon started in the UK since the novel was released there first.

    Even with these minor irritations, the worst thing about your list is claiming English and rap music, however “loosely,” as something that America shares. The U.S. has no official language, and Spanish is undoubtedly engrained as a language of this country. African-Americans also began hip-hop and rap as a counterculture movement against the atrocities of white authority, specifically police brutality in the ’90s and a long-deserved permeation of the mainstream in the early ’80s. Rap music is amazing, but if the entire nation now stands responsible for it as a one-up in the music world, their only role in its creation would be historical hubris.

    I’m sure this was just a fun list, but I’d say a real way to celebrate the holiday is with an awareness of everything good and bad about this nation, and an idea of how we can continue to improve it.

    • alice

      ^^^most irritating comment on thought catalog

      • TC Guest

        ^^^most irritating comment on thought catalog

  • http://www.facebook.com/nila.jamerson Nila Jamerson

    Enjoyed reading this, and it’s so perfect for the occasion.

    Also, what is this company of which you speak? I have no idea how I’ve lived this long without knowing this existed. I would absolutely shell out $10 bucks in exchange for a surprise!

  • rosiemccapp

    I liked this list because it wasn’t overtly AMURICA…I hate those people who are like “YOU SHOULD LOVE AMURICA BECAUSE IT IS THE LAND OF THE FREE AND WE CAN VOTE AND WE START WARS TO SHOW WE’RE TOUGH AND LOVE THE BIBLE BLAH BLAH BLAH” This is just a silly list of things that make American unique that no one would think to equate a country with in terms of achievements…brilliant

  • IYGIWSD

    Stop. Please, just stop. I don’t think I can stand to see another one of your “articles.”
    TC: When are you going to stop posting this crap?

    • Erika

      Stop fucking reading them

    • Irene

      Freedom of Speech… Another reason to love America.

  • caroline

    I don’t understand why everyone gets worked up about a fun list. It’s supposed to be silly and light-hearted. Give it a break. Not everything on thought catalog has to be serious or thought provoking. Also, I never knew that people hated Call Me Maybe…

    • TC Guest

      People should get worked up because Thought Catalog is slowly falling from an engaging community of well-written pieces to a collection of 8th-grade-level lists.

  • Ale

    AMERICA IS A CONTINENT, NOT A COUNTRY

    • K12

      NORTH America is a continent, America is short for the United States of America.

  • Jommy

    This should really be titled “Reasons Americans are Thick as Pigshit”.

    #1 is a language invented by the English so not American.

    #2 rapping came from West Africa.

    #3 that is about Mexico not the USA

    #6 hamburgers= German, French fries = French.

    #7 Canadian

    #8 English

    Good effort…

    • BRINGIT

      Fuck you Jommy

      1) Technically English was derived from Anglo-Saxons, but fuck it we don’t claim that we invented it, we just speak it.
      2) Harlem Renaissance.
      3) Dumb you are dumb, it is about the USA’s location in respect to Mexico. I bet you meant to spell your name Jimmy. Fuck you Jimmy.
      6) Again, we didn’t claim to invent it, it just so happens that we make the best burgers and fries around, you lil fuck.
      7) Agreed. (you lil fuck)
      8) Don’t even know what that shit is but AMERICA FUCK YEA.

      Where are you from Jommy? Nothings wrong with a little national pride.

      I’m not a hick, but I still love America. I don’t know about the rest of you all, but I’m tired of these people coming on here to bash Americans. I have no problem with the people of any other countries. For those who want to bash Americans, please post below.

      • Erika

        ^^ way to go Bringit. Fuck you Jommy

  • Irene

    What’s the name of that company that ships you a surprise for $10?

  • Econ/Fin literate

    You may want to rethink #10. I understand this was supposed to be a lighthearted and fun list, so I won’t piss in your fruit loops.

  • Rev. R. D. Maloney

    Is it really light-hearted and fun when all it does is trade in stereotypes and cultural detritus? If you want to be funny you can do so without coming off as a raging moron. Number 1 is the kind of thing only a monoglot thinks, and number 2 is unabashedly racist.

    If you want to be offensive while being funny (instead of just offensive and funny only to idiots) you must be smart about it. For examples of funny and offensive comedy done right, please absorb some Bill Hicks and George Carlin.

    Or at least google “privilege” and unpack yourself. (i’m at least happy that we can agree that taco platters are, in fact, awesome.)

    Also, there are some damned good “American Style” burgers here in Thailand. Come out of your bubble and see the world, i’ll buy you a burger.

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