Things People Should Stop Pretending To Hate

I’m sick of people acting like awesome things just aren’t that great. For one, it’s just plain confusing. E.g. “What do you MEAN you don’t appreciate the critically acclaimed film Spice World?” But mostly, it’s downright infuriating, especially if said person is mostly in it to be cool. Why can’t we all just enjoy what we enjoy and call it a goddamn day? There are some things that everyone needs to step forward and admit to loving already. These things include:

1. Stuff that’s on the radio

It’s true: some of the shit that’s on the radio is pure, foolish crap. For instance, I would stab Lady Gaga in the face if I could, and J. Lo is trying SO HARD ALL THE TIME but failing so miserably; she’s like a little baby with no legs and scrap metal for brains. For the most part, though, I love what’s on the radio. My general rule is this: if you “only like that one Taio Cruz song when you’re drunk,” you probably actually LOVE that one Taio Cruz song but are too afraid to admit it. It’s not impossible that, unbeknownst to you, you are Taio Cruz’s biggest fan. Am I changing any lives here yet?

2. Dessert

My father constantly claims that he’s “just not a dessert person,” but get him in front of a carton of gingersnaps or offer him an ice cream sandwich and he’s chewing within three seconds flat. Why? BECAUSE HE HAS TASTE BUDS, as I suspect all these “I’m just not a dessert person” freaks do. You may “prefer” a juicy hamburger to a chewy brownie, but that doesn’t mean you don’t LIKE the brownie. I KNOW YOU LIKE THE BROWNIE.

3. Facebook

Unless the person in question has actually deleted their Facebook FOR REAL, not just for 2 weeks while they’re on a short “I’m gonna enjoy real things in life like nature and facial features” binge, the fact is this: they’re just trying to sound more evolved than the rest of us. Sure, we all experience those unspeakable moments when we find ourselves perusing an old best friend’s boyfriend’s cousin’s page ‘til we snap out of it and think, “OH MY GOD, Where am I? I think I just blacked out.” This is acceptable. What’s not acceptable is claiming that you hate Facebook even though you check it at least twelve times a day like the rest of us psychopaths.

4. The hit NBC sitcom Friends

For the life of me I can’t figure out why people hate this show. My honest opinion is this: if you dislike Friends, you haven’t actually watched it. I know that Matthew Perry is addicted to like, nine types of drugs and that Angelina Jolie is arguably FAR more badass than Jennifer Aniston, but that doesn’t mean these people weren’t an integral part of making the golden 90’s glisten. And if you don’t consider paying reverence to the 1990’s an important part of being a respectable citizen, well then I just don’t know you like I thought I did.

5. Your own birthday

I understand why birthdays make some people feel uncomfortable. After all, it’s basically a day on which people forcibly come together to celebrate your existence. However, here’s my argument: it’s basically a day on which people forcibly come together to celebrate your existence. The world is your fat glittery oyster. Seven slices of pizza for breakfast? I see no shame in that. The entire Mighty Ducks trilogy in one sitting? No one’s telling you not to. Do what makes you happy in beautiful, boundless excess. Just try not to barf on your shoes. (Actually, to hell with it. Go ahead and barf on your shoes. Birthday vomit is, after all, the most forgivable kind.) TC mark

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  • Anonymous

    I love all birthdays and those who don’t like their own birthdays always spoil the fun.  

  • Erin

    who is this world could not like FRIENDS? It is the greatest show ever!

  • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

    6. Ryan O’Connell. Dude rocks.

    In other news, I’m going to start using “I KNOW YOU LIKE THE BROWNIE” as a way to shame dessert deserters.

    • lindsey

      dessert deserters. love it

  • http://www.facebook.com/umaly Boo Umaly

    6. Glee

    lol jk, do continue hating it.

  • Janis

    I have watched “Friends.” And I don’t know why people think it’s funny/good. To each their own…

    • illbethere4u

      Friends gives me a warm, comfortable feeling. it may not be the wittiest or cleverest, but it succeeds in making me feel safe and happy and that’s why it’s popularity is so enduring. 

    • Amanda Caird

      Friends is great. But it’s unfortunate your name is Janice because she is the most obnoxious character… coincidence? ;)

  • Alex

    justin bieber should be on this list. everyone rags on him but u know what? his songs are catchy as fuck and he’s a great entertainer. people are just too embarrassed to admit it. well I’M NOT. i wanna sit by the fire and eat fondue with the biebs. 

    • http://www.graveandmostglorious.com/ Samantha

      I think the general reply to this is “his songs are catchy but so is syphillis.”

      But I’m a fan of the Biebz. Also One Direction, so judge me as you will.

      • Erin

        I’ve just discovered One Direction, damn those little bastards are great.

  • Rishtopher

    I didn’t think it was possible to hate dessert! That said, I do dislike everything else on this list. I didn’t like Friends because I didn’t like any of the characters except Phoebe. 

    The birthday thing is just because I never celebrated it when I was young and I’m not used to it now. Plus, a lot of people I know use their birthday to act entitled and whiny. 

    About the radio…c’mon, I still think hating the radio is fair? 

  • http://twitter.com/AllanStruthers Allan.S

    This is a massive pile of bollocks.
    The author is most probably a plebeian. 

    • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

      this is not rome, pull it together allan s

  • Anonymous

    I hate my birthday because it’s shit. 

    • https://plus.google.com/u/0/104823831473876010792/posts Audrey Lynn

      Oh

      • Anonymous

        It’s okay though, really.

  • Sarah

    So true. Anyone who claims to not like Friends is a god damn liar and/or has terrible taste. Either way, not someone I want to know.

    • Eatadick

      I only like that clapping noise after the first line of the theme song- the rest can suck my david schwimmer. 

  • Guest

    RE: Friends. I’m going to forward this to everyone at Emerson College, ASAP. Just because you didn’t get into the Kevin Bright Project doesn’t mean Friends is suddenly the worst thing that has ever aired on TV, sweetie.

    • JEReich

      REP IT, EMERSON!

  • AJ

    I really am not a dessert person though. It makes me feel weird…

  • http://twitter.com/robwoh Robert Wohner

    How about “Themselves”? It’s a beautiful life, everyone. No shame in saying so. 

    • annie

      aww, love that robert wohner

  • Eatadick

    1. Songs on the radio suck. And they are played over and over until they become a form of torture. And idiots like you request them at clubs with your stupid friends. I hate them and YOU for liking them. What happened to all the people screaming for “crazy’? Where are all the LMFAO fans? This crap has no staying power because it is, in fact, crap. And if you “ironically” like it, you’re still an asshole. 

    2. Not that mad at sweets – but dessert is a whole different thing. Yeah, after eating a giant meal what do I want? A cigarette? Bypass surgery? a nice evening stroll? No. I want cake covered in chocolate. get the fuck outta here. And the only reason I’ve ever “shared a desert” with some bird is because I was hoping her mouth would be on my penis after she was done stuffing it with tiramisu.

    3. Facebook. Well, shit- I troll it a 5am looking for side tit and to see which one of my exes got fat, but that doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it- especially when people are writing shit like “rise and grind” or “life isn’t about how many breaths you take, but how many moments take your breath away” or “gym”.

    4. Since you are probably a little goofy hipster born in 1991, I can see how you might like friends in a pre-9/11 nostalgia-for-something-youve-never-experienced kinda way. But for those of us who came of age in the 90’s – this was a horrible, unfunny, representation of all that was wrong with the world. And the apartment was bullshit, even in the 90s. 

    5. “its my birthday weeeek!” “play this now, its my biiiirthday!” FUCK YOU. Like the world doesn’t have enough outlets for your narcissism nowadays. Read my blog, look at me, read my status, FOLLOW ME on twitter, oooh heres my vintage looking pictures of bullshit, these are my pinterests, I checked in somewhere! Now you want A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK to celebrate your birthday!?! FUCK OFF.

    6. This post. I see what you are trying to do here, and I get it. But go fuck yourself, also. Like there aren’t enough sycophants eagerly lapping up every bit of pop culture drivel jammed down our collective throats on a daily basis – we need just one more person with thick-framed glasses extolling the virtues of Taio Cruz. I liked you people better when you talked about obscure, unlistenable garage bands nobody has heard of. 

    • Comic Insult

      Yikes.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=668212789 Ashley Anderson

      Who the fuck pissed in your cheerioes this morning?

      Seriously. I *sincerely* hope the rest of your day somehow puts a smile on your face cause that was kind of unnecessary.

      • Eatadick

        :)

    • JEReich

      Literally, who uses the comments section of a lighthearted, entertaining, funny article  as a form of anger management; additionally, who writes a malevolent response that matches the length of the article?  Really?  REALLY?

      • Eatadick

        Haters be my motivators 

      • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

        “Haters be my motivators.”

        BEHOLD, PLANET EARTH, THE SELF-POWERING ENGINE. 

        I see what you are trying to do here, and I get it. But go fuck yourself, also.

      • Eatadick

        You just blew my mind. 

      • GUEST

        So it’s ok to write a saccarine, annoying, article about why people should like shit and post it on a public forum, but not ok to comment on it unless said comment is equally as upbeat? Just trying to learn the rules of internet comment boards is all…

      • http://twitter.com/iamthe0nly Jordana Bevan

        what? it’s not about telling people to like shit. it’s telling people to stop pretending not to like it just cuz it’s liek soo mainstream. 

    • Domino

      HAHAHAHAHAHA WTF BRO

    • http://twitter.com/philosolaktor Lakshitha

      Lolwut. 

    • Guest

      You are my hero. Please comment on every single TC article from now on…especially those written by Ryan O’Connell. 

    • Guest

      I will never understand why anyone ever responds to TC articles with such ridiculous vitriol. It’s fucking Friday, man. Chill. 
      Also, a large portion of your criticism is baseless, overstated bullshit. Sorry you’re having a bad day/life or whatever, but if you feel the need to hate on the writer for opinions that are never actually stated in her article (see: birthday weeks and your subsequent, unrelated rant about social media-induced narcissism) then that’s on you, not the writer.  

      Please keep your self-indulgent rants and pompous attitude to your livejournal. hope you have a great weekend! kisses!

      • Eatadick

        Thanks for the kisses, although I’d prefer a blowjob. What is a livejournal? Is my criticism baseless, overstated bullshit? Well professor, considering the far-reaching ramifications of the authors hypotesis on Friends- I believe I was fully justified in my retort. Also you are responding to my post with vitriol, and baseless, overstated bullshit- which is kind of cool- I don’t even have to point out that you are an incredible asshole. (oops). Are you in charge of the comment section? Are you advocating censorship or that only one opinion is valid? Do I not have the right to sit naked at my computer, wallowing in post-masturbation guilt and type overstated bullshit!?! 

        Please keep your humorless rants, and pompous attitude to your livejournal (whatever the fuck that is!) or move your comment policing to youtube (lord knows, it could use some policin’- its like thunderdome out that motherfuckr!) 

        PS – WHAT DOES THE DAY OF THE WEEK HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? 

      • Lordamercy

        BOO YAH 

      • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

        “Well professor, considering the far-reaching ramifications of the authors hypotesis on Friends- I believe I was fully justified in my retort.”

        #firstworldproblems

      • Exxonvaldez

        Please don’t cut off my clitoris! #thirdworldproblems 

      • Guest

        This site has articles by 21 year old hipsters with titles like “How to Live in New York” and this maniac is the pompous one? I actually enjoyed his “vitriol” although I think he was just being humorous. You should probably go back to reading “24 Life Lessons Learned from my Cat” and updating your “I heart Ross & Rachel” fan page if you are so easily offended. 

      • Guest

        Obviously you’ve never had someone tell you about their birthday week. 

    • Guest

      lololololololololol

    • guest

      perfect exhibition of someone who has nothing better to do with their time. 

      • Eatadick

        yet the original article itself is a better use of time? Or you reading the comment section? Is your internet commenting how time should be used? How about your cubicle job? Or when you masturbate and cry alone, spitting at your own image in the mirror?

    • Renee

      so many feelings!

  • Huitloy

    so you gotta bring up an angelina jolie as jennifer aniston is in it lol

  • http://thebackgroundstory.com/ The Background Story

    I dunno,  “Friends” is very vanilla.

    • annie

      agreed, but i see where she’s coming from. i wouldn’t choose to watch friends, but if someone put in on in front of me i’d probably still laugh.

  • Anonymous

    Loved this, love you! (but I won’t ever admit it)

  • Anonymous

    Growing up in a house with only one television (imagine it) and being forced to watch it for years because “Now it’s [my sister]’s turn!,” I can assure you that I genuinely do hate Friends. Rephrase: I don’t hate it – I just do not give a shit about it and don’t find it funny.

    It’s another one of those “voice of a generation” shows that doesn’t speak for me.

    • Guestropod

      my mom used to yell at me if I made any noise during Friends

  • kari

    There are…people that hate Friends?

    • http://twitter.com/philosolaktor Lakshitha

      This.

  • A.J.

    I don’t call myself a dessert person because I’m not too fond of sweets. Most cakes are too sweet for me, so when I make them, I never add icing. I have yet to meet a pie that I’ve actually liked. I’m super picky when it comes to cookies, and I eat candy only when I have cravings for it. Usually they happen every few months or so (seriously). Ice cream? Gotta be in the mood for it. A pint can last me a month or so. 

    • Deenagg

      you’re in denial

      • A.J.

        Hm…nope!

      • guest

        denial/crazy…all the same

  • http://twitter.com/imwithdband Eri

    I can’t believe some people hate Friends… 

    • guest

      I’m pretty sure even psychopaths like Friends…EVERYONE loves Friends.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=25823443 Laura Burdette

      I always say that no show will ever top Friends for me.  It will ALWAYS be my #1 favorite show, even though I suppose it’s not technically on anymore since there are no new episodes.

  • Sara

    No, I seriously hate the radio.  But I listen to metal, so I think it’s allowed. 

    I’m with you on the desserts. Stop acting like you’re going to die because you ate sugar and not quiona.  Dessert is delicious.

    Everyone loves Facebook stalking.

     Not a huge Friends fan but that’s probably because Pheobe annoyed me.

    My birthdays usually aren’t that fun so I tend to not make a big deal out of them other than saying to my boyfriend “It’s my birthday, we are watching Emma Stone movies ALL DAY!”

  • http://twitter.com/BangPotential Authentic Poseur

    In two years the author is going to have a slightly broader perspective and disagree completely with her approach on all of these points. The gusto behind the points is not necessarily wrong, but the specifics are either all wrong or right but supporting a different and distinct, but equally valid point. One can’t spend hours on a blog post so all is overlooked, but taken on surface value the piece is enraging. My actually commenting on this is obviously indefensible. 

    • Anonymous

      Whoa, condescending.

  • Catty

    This article amused me. 
    But I never ‘got’ friends. And I despise the people who do the “clapclap” to the theme tune.
    I’m a “not a dessert person” but if you put a baked vanilla cheesecake in front of me that baby is going to be demolished in mere seconds.
    I hate my birthday because bad things happen. No less than two people have died on my birthday. It’s like I’m the antichrist. But the presents I get make it ok….

    • Lee

      I’d say despise is kind of harsh.

  • Khagler

    pretty sure the author wasn’t asking everyone to respond with whether or not they personally hated the things on the list…

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