The Types Of People Who Attend A Nickelback Concert

I recently had the good fortune of stumbling upon a free ticket to see Nickelback at Madison Square Garden. I’m happy to report that the concert was everything I could have wished for and more — not only did the band exceed my expectations (imagine a flying stage and half-assed banter about beer and bras), but the people in the seats did, too. For all those who have forever been curious about the matter, I present the types of people who attend a Nickelback Concert.

Parents Who Want to Feel In-The-Know

Between the loosely fitted bedazzled tops giving way to wrinkly forearms and the crowding around overpriced merchandise, it became clear that the large middle-aged population at hand was attempting to feel young again.

This was arguably pretty endearing; What wasn’t endearing, however, was the way they brought their children down with them. I mean, if you’re jamming to Nickelback at age 55, that’s fine; good on you for livin’ how you wanna. However, if you’re 13, you should be listening to the modern day equivalent of Blink-182 and that’s that. I shudder to think of all the matching Nickelback T’s I saw fathers and sons sporting. (Sidenote: as it turns out, Nickelback concerts provide a hysterical exception to the “don’t wear a band’s t-shirt to their show” rule.)

Couples Whose “Song” is “You Remind Me”

I know it seems too ridiculous to be true, but until you’ve witnessed two human beings in distressed denim grind like they’ll never grind again to the lyrics, “Are we having fun yet? / Yeah, yeah, yeah / No, no” you have no grounds to dispute me on this. After all that I’ve seen, it’s difficult to view the world through my old rose-colored glasses.

Poster Children for American Obesity

I’m not trying to be a dick here, but attending a Nickelback concert is a lot like going to Disneyworld — not only because a soda costs $7 and the amount of fun you have is arguably proportional to how drunk you are (…am I doing Disneyworld wrong?), but because most of your fellow patrons are over 300 pounds. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but is lead singer Chad Kroeger actually Walt Disney reincarnated? They do seem to share the same evil genius…

People Who Could Take or Leave the Whole “Music” Thing

People who attend Nickelback concerts are the type for whom sporting events are far more interesting than concerts and the radio is only useful in so far as it keeps one apprised on what’s playing at the club. This is a fine quality — we all have our “things,” and while I may have a more well-versed taste in music than your average Nickelback fan, I still don’t understand the function of a yard line. And, hey, maybe the world needs Nickelback to even things out. After all, just as there are bands for people who hate music, there are sports for people who hate sports. I enjoy watching figure skating. Just saying.

Me, Apparently

Ah yes, and then there’s me: a lace-up-boot-wearing, coconut-water-drinking twenty-something who stumbled upon a free ticket. For someone who considers herself pretty hip and cultured, I sure did strain my voice shout-singing along to “Photograph.” My soul might contain more white-washed denim and bad bleach jobs than I care to admit. TC mark

image – Rene Hartmans

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathon-Ferrari/100001319787228 Jonathon Ferrari

    Buuuuull shit. You paid double face value for the ticket in a ebay bid war.  This article is just the last part of your cover up. :)

  • portia

    fuck nickelback.

  • Anonymous

    Admit it Syd! You love them.

    • Sydney Nikols

      i fEcKiNg lUv tHeM!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    Picking on Nickelback is low-hanging fruit. Aim higher!

  • Tammy

    Thank you for sharing!  I have always been curious about this!

  • Nishant

    “Don’t judge anyone based simply on their choice in music. Unless it’s Nickelback.”

    Read this online. :D

  • SD

    I like Nickelback. I still dont get the bashing. like really.

    • Youpoorsoul

      Immediately book an appointment for a hearing check-up.

    • annie

      as much as i hate nickelback, i also don’t really get how they’ve become like the number one thing to hate on the internet. like i think they get more hate than justin bieber which is totally crazy (!!) except i kind of get it because i love justin a little bit

  • https://plus.google.com/u/0/104823831473876010792/posts Audrey Lynn

    I envy your job at Thought Catalog. 

  • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

    I was also at this MSG show. As a 20-something who [more or less] fits the description you posted of yourself, plus being a music industry intern, I had a blast. I’m a fan.

  • Jostashko

    There is only one type – people who have given up on life. 

  • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

    Idc what people say I have loved “Someday” since I heard it when i was like 8.

  • Jen

    Wow, what an ignorant, judgmental cunt you are.  The majority of people who hate on Nickelback do not have a voice or an opinion of their own because they are
    following the “hate trend”. If you don’t like their music, don’t listen to it. Simple. Some people
    like them and it’s their right. If you don’t like it, it’s your right
    too. But that doesn’t mean you have to go and whine and rage at their
    very existence. Grow up.

    • Danielle

      Are you projecting your anger on the author of this article because you are embarrassed that you like Nickelback?

      • Jen

        It was to some comments and the author..and I’m not angry, I just hate seeing people play follow the leader because it’s the trendy thing to hate Nickelback when most of you have at least one of their songs on your iTunes. And just happen to get free tickets to their concerts? Haha, please…

      • annie

        woops i accidentally liked that… but i just wanted to point out that that does happen! i got free tickets to a miranda lambert concert at mohegan sun because my friends dad works there. the experience was a lot like this actually. im not a fan, but it was interesting to observe the demographic that does go to that type of thing. p.s. do you always call someone a cunt when you’re not angry at them?

  • Anonymous

    This is unforgivable

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000586876452 Arvin Alba

    I’m indifferent towards Nickelback, but this is absurd. It’s sad to see articles like this together with articles bashing racial stereotyping. You people are coming off as hypocrites.

  • JP

    Honestly, I don’t give a shit about this lame Nickelback hate. The lead singer’s voice is mildly irritating, but their songs are catchy enough to have gained popularity in the past. Obviously people enjoy listening to them (albeit often secretly) or else Nickelback wouldn’t be famous. To everyone who’s making fun of them…so how’s your music career going? 

  • Aguilera Theresa

    Our version of Blink-182 is Blink-182.

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