Before You Turn Thirty, You Have To Learn How To Live

In October this year I turn twenty eight,
And I still haven’t found a mate.
But, this isn’t a poem about consummation,
It is about my damnation.
So settle down and hear me out before it is too late.

You probably think my rhyme scheme is horrible,
But in my head, I think I am phenomenal.
The lines below are mistakes I have made
Which, in full view of the public, now need to be laid.
For the next two minutes I am going to be unstoppable.

I am going to take the bull by its horns,
And yes, expensive shoes will give you corns.
Save your bloody hard earned money,
Because when he leaves you honey,
Hot bods on a sunny beach will pick out all the old thorns.

We all need a little spirit in life,
But don’t sleep with the one who has a wife.
Alcohol might stop your ex’s bawling,
But will lead to a lot of drunk calling.
Avoid it, no point of more strife.

Your body will change, your tummy will grow, your hair will fall,
You need to make new friends, bring down that high wall.
Don’t force a laugh, don’t keep words unsaid,
And only if you really want then give head.
And in your free time remember to scrawl.

Usually the kindest people are wimps,
Start dinner with those cocktail shrimps.
Call your parents every second day,
Because there’s no one like them, bae.
Life is waiting to be lived, don’t be so limp.

Hone those scuba-diving skills,
And remember to pay monthly bills.
Fearlessly wear lace to your workplace,
Learn to give your house cat a lot of space.
Throw away relationships that come with no frills.

Three years away from Thirty
And seven years down Twenty.
Flutter, migrate, soar like the birds,
Don’t stagnate or else you become like the other turds.
You have a choice; make that change before you hit fifty.