In the era of selfies, we still struggle to accept our bodies and our looks. These challenges, unfortunately, limit our erotic potential of fully indulging in pleasure.
How many of us hear this annoying inner voice of criticism the exact same minute we look at ourselves in the mirror or at our pictures? I dare to assume that it is quite a common issue.
I really liked what Esther Perel once said in her talk that a person with self-esteem is the one who knows about his flaws and still holds oneself in high regard.
I connected this idea with body-esteem. Even though I might not like something I see in the mirror, there are ways to accept and own it with respect and compassion.
To start with, I actually think that it is absolutely normal not to love every piece of yourself constantly. Nature reveals itself in polarities and permanent changes. So it is totally natural to see your body in a different light when it is changing and showing you either flawlessness or imperfection. Some shades will satisfy you, some won’t.
But the fundamental idea here is to learn how to still sincerely gratify this micro-cosmos inside of our cells, veins, limbs, bones, and neurons, as well as the insanely magical alchemy and power of this lava, heat, passion, magnetism, creativity, wild imagination that our body so lovingly and unconditionally stores for us.
So, how can we get there?
My formula is simple but requires time and consistency.
1. First, look, study and explore your body. Grab a mirror, not a phone.
2. Spend as much time as you can naked. The more time you spend in a birthday suit, the more acceptable you become of your body. Tour sensitivity level increases and you become more skillful in nurturing this luscious and serene feeling of arousal, which teaches you how to embrace and use the most powerful thing in the world — your erotic potential.
3. Touch, stroke, fondle yourself more. Not necessarily in a sexual way. Just get more familiar with your skin, curves, shape.
4. Intensify the moments when you fully enjoy your body and the way it looks or feels. Don’t ignore it but make the intentional effort to celebrate it with a dance or a small incentive in a form of a symbol, gift, ritual, or just slow mindful observation and savoring these delightful occasions.
5. Spend more time in and with your body. Be more observant of outside stimuli coming in through your senses: what you hear, taste, feel, see and smell. Ask yourself more sensuous questions: “How does that feel? Do I like it? How do I like it? Do I need more or less of it? What emotions does it evoke? Do I want it?”
These exercises will help you erase gradually the border between this mental prison where you feel shame, fear, and stress about your body, and its natural, organic responses and inner enchantment of its impeccable coitus between physicality, psyche, and desire.