Why We Need To Seek Sensual Fullness And Not Just Sex

person in clear glass shower stall
NOTAVANDAL / Unsplash

Have you ever asked yourself why you seek sex?

I bet the most popular answers would be: “cause it feels so good, duh!”, “for stress or tension release”, “for making babies”, “cause I love him/her”, “confidence boost”, etc.

Not that often we admit that what we miss sometimes is not sex in fact (surprise!) but the intimacy, the touch, the presence of another human being nearby, the moments of transcendental experience you share with him or her when you really merge together with time and space, when your own boundaries are erased, thoughts land on “numb” planet, and you drown in pleasure like honeysuckle drowns in warm soft milk.

If only every sex encounter could bring you into this state, right?

We are so “over-sexed” nowadays and we are so “under-touched”.

If only people could really differentiate what they need and instead of joining “the race of sexual tension release” they could relax, truly enjoy and cherish the precious intimate and sensual presence of another human being, his/her body and sensual needs who like them actually might also feel a hungry longing to be touched lovingly, consciously and slowly, to be caressed attentively and selflessly, to be admired and desired shamelessly and honestly.

And for that you don’t need a master level in tantra/mantra/yantra, you don’t have to connect to cosmos, or to 678 spiritual realms, you don’t need to learn yet another sexual technique, or try a super complex Kama Sutra position, or stuff yourself with a new drug, or to become flexible like a 300 year old Tibetan Yogi, the skill to savor pleasure is growing along with your Sensual Intelligence practice.

When you understand what you feel and need, when you know your body and you are aware of your sensual “chemistry”, what gives you pleasure, what this or that impulse at this very moment truly means, when you realize that tension release won’t really fulfill you but rather leave you wanting more or perhaps even empty, you start accepting that what you might be longing for at some moments is a true sensual connection when two people come together to enjoy and contribute to each other’s pleasure on a more profound level.

And then perhaps people wouldn’t end up getting themselves into the “confusing” encounters that make them feel even more unhappy and less self-loving.

If only more people could really understand what they actually need: just sex or a true meaningful sensual fullness.

So, what do you seek now? TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

Sponsored by Homecoming available now on Amazon Prime Video

The People Bringing You Delicious Dairy

A new Thought Catalog series exploring our connection to each other, our food, and where it comes from.

Meet Alise Sjostrom
Why We Need To Seek Sensual Fullness And Not Just Sex is cataloged in