I’ve spent the last few years focused on one goal: Being honest with myself. That meant honoring my deepest desires. I no longer rationalized myself out of believing them. I no longer let my limiting beliefs rewrite them. A weird thing happens when you’re honest with yourself, your deepest fears start to bubble up.
Your fears are the voice of your childhood self. It signifies the healing that is needed for your growth. Your fears will come up as an obstacle in any worthwhile endeavor and you might as well learn how to make friends with it since it’s pretty much always gonna be there.
Let me give you a personal example:
Soon after I committed to being honest with myself, my desire to live a fulfilling life with no regrets became louder than ever. At the time, I felt as if my soul were slowly dying. I was trying to deny my true emotions so I wouldn’t rock the boat. I desperately wanted to believe that I was fine but deep down, I knew I wasn’t. I realized that what I really wanted was to travel the world. I no longer wanted to be chained to a desk. I wanted to create my own day and really feel like I was living my truth.
I noticed that my deepest fears started to arise: Did I really want to explain these desires to my parents who have worked tirelessly to give me a secure future? Was I ready to choose myself even though I felt enormous guilt? Did I want to let go of a 6-year career and admit that maybe I had been striving for something that I no longer considered successful?
I still felt a ‘yes’ in my body. As scared as I was to admit to everyone, including myself, that I had been on a path that no longer aligned with my values, I knew deep down that this is what I wanted and needed. To deny it meant denying myself and living with regret.
So did I do it?
Yup, I sold my things, quit my job and put one foot in front of the other. I’m not suggesting that you have to be reckless in order to be honest. In fact, I saved up for years knowing that there would be a need for it. I made sure I was being responsible in my wild desires.
Of course not every day was rainbows and butterflies but even in the darkest moments when I felt lost and alone, I still felt a sense of expansion, as if I were growing, evolving and truly living. I felt immense fear. I felt powerfully alive. I felt profoundly sad. I felt overwhelming gratitude. I felt powerfully at peace.
Do I still feel fear?
Absolutely, at this moment in fact. But I know that it’s a healthy sign that I’m being honest with myself. It’s a sign that I’m growing and working toward my full potential. I feel so much more proud of myself and aligned with my priorities. The emphasis I put on my own needs far exceeds that of my parents’ expectations. I want them to be happy, but not at the expense of my soul.
I proved to myself that I’m worth taking a risk on. I’m worth choosing. I had deeply honored myself.
I still show my mom immense love even though on occasion I feel the pain of her disapproval. Over time, I realized, that even though my mom was upset with me and occasionally still doesn’t understand what I am doing, I see a shift in her too. I see her putting herself first and honoring her desires. It’s as if my actions gave her permission to live her truth. She now knows that I did this for myself rather than an act against her. I did this to honor myself rather than to disrespect her.
You have no idea how powerful honest actions can be. It not only set me free, but it has impacted my mom’s life in a beautiful way and I’m so proud of that. Our relationship is stronger than I could have ever imagined.
If you have a burning inner desire, honor it. Slowly start to take steps toward making it come true. The fear is a good sign. It’s a journey of getting to know yourself. A journey of cultivating a deep relationship with yourself, the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with. You have no idea where it can lead you but I promise, it will be so much more worth it than staying complacent. Do it for those around you, do it for the people who are against it, but most importantly, do it for you.
With grace, with love, with gentleness. Do it for your soul.