Read This When You’ve Dropped Your Phone Once Again

It’s okay. I know you just dropped your phone but I promise it will be alright. 

Okay, maybe your screen is shattered. You haven’t looked yet but there’s a good chance it is. You did drop it from about a meter. You had solid intentions of buying a case but hadn’t gotten that far.

But even if it is cracked, so what? It’ll still be usable. For the most part. Sure, people might glance at your cracked screen for a second longer than necessary. They might judge you silently. They might wonder what kind of negligent human being you are.

But who cares? Fuck them! It’s your phone. You can throw it at the ground if you want. The ground sucks and the phone is yours. You have complete autonomy over your life choices.

Pick up your phone. Just do it. Inhale and do it. Look, the phone isn’t cracked. Maybe you got through unscathed. Maybe you’re invincible.

Hold on. You loser. Look at that massive scratch on the back. Look at that huge dent on the left corner. You’re such an irresponsible phone owner. You disgust me.

But seriously, it’ll be okay. Cradle it in your hand. Text someone to reassure yourself that you still have a means of contacting the outside world. Post a selfie if you are so inclined. Post on Instagram the very spot where your phone was assaulted by the floor. Always name and shame.

Your phone is still very much usable. It’s just been jaded by this cruel world. It’s seen things. It’s seen its life flash before its eyes. Its untimely demise is on the horizon (you’re clearly the most remiss individual on the planet) but until then embrace it. Hold it close to your chest and your heart. Just not close enough for it to give you cancer. Ungrateful piece of shit.

Really, it’s alright. It’s just a phone. But no, you can’t hold my child.