Embrace The ‘F-Girl,’ The New ‘It Girl’ Of Our Generation

New Girl
New Girl

The “It girl” does not exist anymore. In our 21st century, the “Face girl” stands as the crown that every attention-seeking female raves. Being the “Face girl” is not only the highest accolade you can get, but also receiving the most radiant online spotlight of everybody’s newsfeed.

Being the “Face girl” carries a hefty burden. A modern Voltaire would say, “With too much likes, comes great online responsibility.” F-girl cannot have the same profile picture for more than a month, but she cannot switch it every week either. The dose of photos she exposes to the people, that she #letsthepeasantsenjoy must come in deliberate moderation. After all, F-girl does not want to look THAT desperate for “likes” and comments.

In her Facebook realm, her photos are tailed by a chain of hashtags encompassed with #beyourself, #independent, #carpediem, #original, #noncomformist, #artistic, and #etc. She is a truly original girl, her favorite movies being 500 Days of Summer and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. No The Notebook or Harry Potter clichés (although she has discreetly watched and re-watched them). Her profile may have New Girl as her TV show because Zooey Deschannel is the indie goddess. But some F-girls may be too sophisticated for TV (or at least that’s what they seem to look like) and refuse to engage (or at least admit) with that self-degrading, soul-killing activity.

The F-girl’s Instagram is a whole different territory – a more indie, artistic dimension. She needs to apply the right effect, fade, brightness, and hashtags for every photo she decides to upload (limited to five max a week). This is harder than rocket science; it’s a whole different branch of science that needs to be mastered with flare. Because if she fails at Instagram, she’ll get eviscerated from her golden title.

More importantly, her number of “followers” should always triple (better if more) her “following” and all of her photos must receive more than 30 likes. Because if those two have the same numbers or worse, the former has more than the latter, her devotees will get flummoxed. “Why is she giving more attention than she is receiving?” No, no, no. She cannot allow this question to even sidle into her fans’ brains.

Every week she receives at least ten or more event invitations and never shows whether she will attend, maybe attend, or not attend. In reality, she selects the most prestigious ones – the ones with the beautiful people and best light. It’s not only the quality of events that matters, but also the quality of pics her iPhone will give birth. If she takes pics with ugly people, it ends up looking like a fucking charity and she did not buy that vintage skirt “from France” (I quote her. Truth: she actually got it from Urban Outfitters) for a Facecatastrophe.

If there is something crucial that every F-girl must have is the album of her Europe trip, proving that she is a cosmopolitan individual. She has experienced the world (for six months max) because she is a risk-taker and has sought her personal nirvana, unlike those philistines. This album has gained a newfound respect from her pool of admirers who could not help themselves from roaming through her photos circuitously (especially the ones with her at the beach in Spain and France). The F-girl somehow manages to look spiritually superior than you because of this trip.

Keep #hashtagging and always manage to look more refined than anyone. There are Facewhores everywhere, but there’s only one Facehetaira (at least in your online circle) and that’s you. If you do not know what hetaira is, take a religion class. You’ll become more #artisticallypolishedsophisticatedabsolutelyoriginal #bitch. TC mark

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