Here’s the scenario: You’re at the club or the bar with your girlfriends. You spot a cute guy across the room hanging out with his buddies.
“Wow!” you think. “I’d really like to talk to him.”
You tell your girlfriends and they convince you to go up to him and start a conversation. You are so nervous.
“What if he rejects me?”
“What should I say?”
“I don’t want to look stupid.”
You take a deep breath and proceed to walk over to him. Your heart is beating so fast.
“Calm down” you tell yourself. “It’s just a guy. He’s a human being. Relax.”
You tap him on the shoulder and he turns around.
“Hi!” you say, with a smile on your face.
He takes one look at you, rolls his eyes, and says “No!”
He turns back around to his friends and you’re left standing there feeling like a complete idiot. You do the walk of shame back to your girlfriends who are eagerly awaiting your return.
“What happened?” they ask.
“He was so rude! What a jerk!”
How many interactions like this would it take before your feelings started to get hurt? Would it make you more or less confident in yourself?
The sad truth about this is that it happens on a daily basis. However, it isn’t women getting rudely rejected, it’s men. When did we learn to become so hateful when someone wants to tell us we’re beautiful and ask for our name?
I get it, we’ve run into some creepy men, disrespectful men, and straight out dogs. And those guys need to be put in their place. But what about the rest of the male population? The ones that are just like you and your girlfriends? Do they deserve to be treated with such disrespect simply for finding you attractive? Or is it because you don’t find them attractive so you don’t care what they have to say?
A female can compliment another female and we love it, don’t we? When a guy we think is cute compliments us, we like that too. But let it be someone we’re not interested in and watch how disrespectful we can get. And for what? What are you proving by being rude?
It takes a lot of courage for men to approach women. Because of our gender roles, men face rejection far more than women do. When’s the last time you were rejected by 5 men in one night? As much as we hate rejection, it is going to happen.
Not everyone is for everyone, and that’s ok. But just because someone isn’t your cup of tea, doesn’t mean that you have to be mean about it. Accepting a compliment and respectfully declining the advances of someone you’re not interested in is not hard and it shows confidence in who you are as a person.
If you want respect, you have to give respect. Just like you wouldn’t like a man to shut you down rudely, men don’t like it either. And they don’t deserve it.
As women, we want to be told we’re beautiful. It makes us feel good. It shouldn’t matter whose mouth it’s coming out of, the fact that someone noticed your beauty and had the courage to come tell you should be flattering, regardless of what they look like. A simple “Thank you!” goes a long way. Let the man have a little dignity. Despite the fact that he might be rejected, he had the courage to come up to you anyways. That has to count for something.
I think as women, it may appear that men are confident because they have to approach a lot of women to get one to say yes, but many times that is not the case at all. They are just as nervous as you would be if the situation were reversed. The way a man views himself relies heavily on how well he is able to interact with the opposite sex. In many cases, this effects how his buddies view him as well. And the way his buddies view him ties directly into how he views himself. There is a lot of pressure to prove where he stands when it comes to his place among men. He doesn’t want to be seen as weak, and that means he’s going to have to face some rejection.
So the next time you’re out, and a guy approaches you, just smile and say hi. Let him keep his confidence. It’s not about being hit on, it’s about acknowledging a person that thought you were beautiful, and thanking them for noticing. Remember how much courage it takes. Remember the pressure he’s under to prove his masculinity. If you’re not interested, tell him. And let him know you appreciate his kind words and wish him the best of luck.
We are all adults here and boys don’t have cooties anymore. It’s better to be the beautiful woman that men respect rather than the beautiful woman they call a bitch. It feels good to be desired. Let them desire you. Remember, your attitude can make you pretty, or it can make you ugly, and it has nothing to do with your looks. No one wants to be shut down. When you have to do it, don’t burn people with your words in the process. The sting of rejection hurts bad enough as it iS.