You know the scenario: You meet a guy, he is very charming, and you start to like him. One thing leads to another and you end up having sex. Soon after, he becomes distant, or turns into jerk, or he disappears completely. “What just happened?” you ask yourself. “I totally thought we had a connection.” Because you don’t understand what happened, you start to think that something is wrong with you. You may even look back at your past relationships and come to the conclusion that you are not good enough. You don’t feel loved and this turns you into a victim.
Sound familiar? If this resonates with you, first I’d like to tell you to stop the negative self-talk right now. You are good enough and someone does want to love you. You just haven’t found him yet! And hanging around with guys that make you question your self-worth? Those guys never intended to love you. It’s hard to hear, I know, but it’s the truth.
My advice is to look at is as a blessing when guys like this disappear. Keeping them around only keeps the right guy from entering your life. Remember how many frogs the princess had to kiss before she found her prince? You are going to have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. But if you understand the following information, your chances of kissing less frogs greatly increases. And that prince you want, he has a greater chance of entering your life. This article is for the woman that wants to give love and receive it back. A high value woman does not kiss frogs, and this is why.
The Importance Of Having A Contract
A contract is just another word for having standards. This is the single, most important thing a woman can have. Your contract is an agreement with yourself that clearly defines what you are willing to allow and not allow into your life. Your contract also sets standards for the type of man you will allow in your life. When you think of the perfect partner and falling in love, what does that look like? How does it make you feel when you think about your ideal relationship? A list of must-haves and non-negotiables is an essential part of your contract, so if you do not have one, now is the time to make one. Your must-haves will be the top 10 traits/qualities that a guy must possess in order for you to consider dating him, or sleeping with him. Do you like guys that make you laugh? Do you like a sense of adventure? In what ways? Are religious/spiritual views important to you? Come up with your top 10 and from those, choose 5 non-negotiables. These will be the 5 must-haves that you are not willing to compromise on. If you have a love for travel, a partner who also likes travel would be a non-negotiable.
Once you have clearly defined your must-haves and non-negotiables, it will be a lot easier to weed out men that are not a good match for you. During the first few dates you will be able to tell whether he is meeting your contract or not. The key here is to stay strong in your standards and do not compromise, no matter how cute he is. If you are looking for love, you should not spend a lot of time on men that do not make the cut.
How Men Operate
It’s pretty clear that men and women operate completely different when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. Here are some key points to remember when it comes to understanding men. First, they have a lot of testosterone. This makes them think about sex a lot more than most of us women do. If a man is attracted to you, his penis immediately lets him know. He has a sexual urge that is activated when he is around you, and he has to keep that under control until you give him the green light to satisfy his urge. So, what will a man do to satisfy this sexual urge? In the beginning it can be a little tricky to accurately read a man’s intentions. Does he really like you, or does he just want to sleep with you? Because of his sexual urge, he will put on all of his charm to impress you.
Reminds me of the male peacock mating dance. He wants to mate, but he needs to get her attention. So he puts on this beautiful, extravagant dance with hopes that she will pick him to mate with. If he manages to impress her, the female will allow him to mate with her. In order to weed out guys that are just doing the mating dance, time is of the essence. You now know what your standards are, so time is the only way to truly know if this guy is genuinely interested in you. If he is, he will stick around. If he isn’t, he will move on. The answer becomes clear when you can see how much time he is willing to invest in getting to know you, on topics other than sex. No matter what a man tells you, he is always open to the possibility of having sex with you. If he sees an opportunity, chances are, he is going to take it.
The Power Of “No”
“No” is one of the most powerful words you can tell a man that has expressed interest in you. Something about their primitive instinct to be hunters. They like the pursuit of the chase and when you give in too easily, it isn’t fun anymore. In some cases, they will stop chasing altogether. Saying “no” keeps him guessing and trying to figure you out. It’s a challenge, and men love a challenge. Knowing he had to earn you makes him feel good about himself, and good about you. Sleeping with him too soon, or always being available when he wants to see you is a surefire way to make him less interested. The chase isn’t fun when you’re always predictable. Plus, the longer time he takes figuring you out, the more time he gets to see just how beautiful you really are.
I’m not sure who came up with the 3 date rule, but obviously it was created by a man that was not looking for love. He wrote women off after 3 dates if they would not sleep with him. This got portrayed to men as the standard, so they started doing the same thing, and that somehow translated into women thinking they need to give it up after 3 dates for a guy to like them. What?… Any man that uses the 3 date rule is a red flag. This man that does not want anything serious. If you do, it may be wise to consider red flagging him out of your life. How long do you think a guy that is just looking for sex is willing to hang around if he’s not getting any? Making him wait is the easiest way to figure out his intentions. Sleeping with him too soon causes a lot of confusion about where you stand, especially if he is not meeting your contract. Sex only complicates things when intentions are not clear.
A guy needs to spend enough time with you so that he can tame his sexual urge and actually get to you know you as a person. There is no time limit on when this is supposed to happen, however, the more interactions the better. A real connection happens when two people are intrigued and excited about each other. They look forward to spending time together so they can learn the many facets of what makes you “You”. Trust your instincts. You have your contract. Is he meeting what you need in a man? Do you question your worth and value when you are with him? Does he make you feel special? If the answer is no, sleeping with him should not be an option.
Men will tell you that they don’t like it when you say no, but they secretly do. Don’t let them fool you. You are the prize and they want to figure out how to win you. A guy that is really into you will find all ways imaginable to win your love. The one that is just looking for sex will not put a lot of effort into it. It doesn’t make sense to wait too long to satisfy his urge if that’s all he wants to do. Does that make sense?
If you truly are looking for love, hold men to high standards. You know who you are and you know what you want. You deserve the best love, and you have to believe that. Creating your contract, understanding the sexual urge and most importantly, giving your intuition time to tell you if he is just another frog, or one that is in the running to become your prince. Listen to it. If something does not feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t settle for frogs. They will never treat you like a princess. Only a prince can do that. Stay strong in this knowledge and always remember: High value women do not kiss frogs. High value men respect high value women and want to date them. Be a high value woman.
“Fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you think love is hard.”