Here’s a very sensitive topic that no one wants to tackle, so I did! I’ve seen/heard/read a lot about “horrible in-laws” so I decided to make the top 10 ways to be the worst one, if you were looking to achieve that! With wedding season upon us, I felt it was right. Hehe, enjoy!
1. Be an alcoholic, the kind that functions in public but gets distant and cold at home. Those are really fun and you never know what mood you’ll be in during the consumption. It’s kind of like a game! Everyone loves games!
2. Be really, really, hot and cold. Sometimes, when something good happens to you and you want to be kind and sweet to everyone, be really friendly and make false promises, and then when you get in a sour mood because you’re secretly bi-polar, just start being distant and cold and make the others wonder what wrong they’ve done to deserve this kind of treatment!
3. Always only communicate through your actual blood relative and let the husband/wife of your loved one feel super unloved and uncared for. For bonus points, don’t even reply to texts! Just use the phrase, “I was so busy!” because it works. Unless of course you’re the one reading that phrase, then we know that isn’t true at all! Only you can use that excuse.
4. Never show support for others getting a new hobby, making a positive change, or earning a promotion. Pretend you didn’t know/didn’t hear the news and go on about hating your own life, more!
5. Never ever forget to use the justifying method. This is when you feel like someone is about to confront you (for good reason) you throw the card of how hard life is, how you’ve been through a lot, and add words like stressed, sad, lonely, and you don’t understand, into the mix! It’s the best!
6. Remember to maintain friendly behavior from time to time so the blood relative never has reason to believe you’re actually an asshole! This could be easy, just ask the blood relative how the other one is to make it appear as if you give a shit!
7. Never refer to them by the names. Always call them others, your guy, your girl, your person. Distance creates good feelings.
8. Stop by unannounced and start to pick apart the place. Gosh, it’s so dusty in here! Is a great example. Also, mention anything obvious and noticeable because it’s possible only you saw these things, no one else. Everyone loves being reminded what to do!
9. Upon any good news given to you in person, do a half smile and pretend you’re happy! Then, immediately start talking about your own life, because you matter, damn it!
10. This is the most important, never forget that every opportunity is out there. You can be this asshole in so many ways. Don’t just wait for in-person moments. If you’re on social media together, make sure you never ever acknowledge any kind of posts, but always mention them in conversation in person, to let them know you’ve “seen” it but didn’t actually “like” it, because let’s be serious, you don’t really like anything…except that liquor of course!