Relationships are hard to form and maintain. We go through multiple partners in our lifetimes before we find someone that is truly meant to be. After a bad breakup, some people go through a phase in which they reflect on their own behaviors to reach some form of self-actualization. What can be learned form a bad relationship is infinite. You learn and come to realize your own behaviors, the type of people you attract, and how you can improve yourself for the right person. It really does take a million bad relationships before we find Mr. Right sometimes. From those many men we encounter, we date or even marry some of those men who are downright horrible for us in all walks of life. When we are with them, we change into something that is ugly for our sanity and relationship that haunts us afterwards. Every person that is wrong for us brings out something in us that is horrible for the relationship. Emotions and desires such as jealousy, carelessness, overprotection or even hate in some situations cause people to change and eventually drift apart. They become apart of who we are in the relationship and each emotion has a different character it becomes in a bad relationship.
Brace yourself, as I present to you the seven different women that emerge when you’re with the wrong guy.
1. The pseudo mom
You need to control every aspect of the relationship, date nights, household chores, and everything in between no matter how big or small it is in the grand scheme of your relationship. At first, the pseudo mom doesn’t exist because the two of you are in a mutual relationship with all responsibilities shared—eventually, you find yourself taking care of him and instead of a partner you feel like you’re a parent because you’re the one that cooks, cleans, and disciplines him. Maybe he’s a mama’s boy or has attachment issues, but the matter of fact is that instead of being in a mutual relationship, you’re constantly cleaning up his physical and metaphorical messes. Often times, you ignore the pseudo mom sending you smoke signals to leave him, and you only realize that you were more of a mother figure weeks/months/years after you two are done.
2. The stage five clinger
You decide to jump the gun and date a notorious player. All the romantic comedies you’ve watched have taught you one thing, it’s only logical that you need him to fall madly in head over heels love with you for him to change (thank you romantic comedies for this wonderful logic you have bestowed upon the female population). Your form of love is being together no matter what, and you take this to a new extreme. Instead of trusting him, you decide to latch on to him and become his permanent extension. No matter where he goes, you need to be there with him so that you have a sense of protection. (you’re the annoying girl that crashes boys night out all the time) As a result, you become insecure with yourself, you need him to reassure his love and commitment to you and in the moment this behavior all seems rational to you. Stage five clingers often have relationships that crash and burn because eventually your partner becomes annoyed with your burning desire to be with him all the time.
3. The trophy wife
This relationship exists because you two have mutual friends that have pushed you guys into it. There is no substance to it, you’re together because of two possible reasons 1) you are both desperate or on the rebound 2) hot sex. The two of you are totally incompatible but you stick together because you like the idea of being in a relationship. Starting a conversation is hard, making plans for dates is harder and the only thing that is easy is anything that is physical between the two of you. When you break up it doesn’t even feel remotely like a break up because you weren’t even in a dynamic relationship in the first place.
4. The submissive child
Your partner is a total douche in all ways possible. He is a hypocrite that likes to enforce his power on you. He lives by the double standard that he can do whatever he wants but you must obey his rules. Somehow, his arbitrary rules are your 10 commandments for being with him, and if you don’t live by his standards, well honey, consider yourself single. There is an overwhelming urge for him to control every move of your life, whether it is your relationships with others or even your life decisions. When you try to reciprocate the behavior, you are often put back into place and continue to live by his rules. You tend to stay with him because you feel like it’s a form of tough love, even though your friends and family are always telling you to leave him.
5. The (future) control freak
You want to be with him but he is a total idiot. He may be a gorgeous and a master in the bedroom but he has no life goals or even aspirations for tomorrow, leaving you in a position where you feel like you’re trying to make something long term out of nothing really. Whenever you bring up the future, he often attempts to change the topic because it is a frustrating conversation. The two of you can talk about finances, education, career aspirations, or even long-term relationship goals, and he’ll have no idea about his future. When you try to help him create a plan for the future, he is annoyed by your need to help him and this often leads to conflict. (then hot makeup sex) You’re just trying to rub some ambition and goals off on to him and he is simply sliding by in life and dragging you along with him. (and he’s complaining about you to his friends and family all the time because of your drive) Instead of a healthy relationship, you try to control him and turn him into something more than what your relationship will actually be.
6. The gold digger
Let’s be honest, you’re not attracted to him, you’re attracted to the green. If you still don’t know what I mean, I suggest you Google Flashing Lights by Kanye West or Gold Digger also by Kanye. (Kanye must have dealt with a lot of women who fall under this category) You love the fact that your partner spoils you with anything and everything your materialistic heart desires. This type of relationship often times has no substance, you and your partner have a mere physical attraction and the rest is just unknown. The only thing that is racing a million miles is that amex he’s swiping.
7. The ultimatum bomb
This type of woman emerges in a relationship that is beyond toxic. You two are always at each other’s throats but somehow won’t break up. (I’m telling you, hot sex keeps people together) Your relationship has dealt with all sorts of issues, but you convince yourself that love is forgiving no matter what. As a result, you often use threats and ultimatums as a way to keep him around. When an argument occurs, you often start or end a sentence with “if you don’t ______ I’ll leave you” or “remember when you ______ and I still forgave/stayed with you after all that”. This relationship is always at the brink of war, but the trigger is never pulled to start the war.